Praise God for New Beginnings!

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!
~2 Cor. 5:17

Happy New Years!

An Excellent Record Keeper

Husband did it again. And again. Haven't we talked about this a thousand times? Is this an intentional attempt to annoy me?

I walk past him in such a cold attitude that surely it must chill him to the bone. I look for some acknowledgement. Surprise, surprise, he doesn't notice.

Well then, I'll just wait him out until he decides to notice.

I will still be a good wife. I will still do my duties even though I am offended. I continue folding his clothes and then go to prepare his supper. I am stirring up the food and my mental checklist...

yes, we did just talk about this last week. And yesterday. If he cared he'd be more intentional about not doing it again, and he doesn't even notice that I'm upset. It's not like I'm hiding it! I continue stirring...

He comes up beside me and kisses me on the cheek with a lighthearted "Ooo! This looks great! Is there any avacado to go with it? Any ranch?"

I don't look up. I only offer a gruff "I don't know."

He caught the barb. It stung. "What is your problem?" Is his tactful and delicate approach to my obvious displeasure.

I glare the thought "my problem??" and walk away from the kitchen.

I shut our door a little too hard. I am boiling. My thoughts reflect my feelings. My problem?? MY problem?? Let the food burn I am NOT going out there right now!

He does not pursue me but the fight continues in my head. I tell him what my problem is, or rather, what all his problems are. I complain to God about him. I know I can't change him. I ask the Holy Spirit to convict him. God's response?

Love keeps no record of wrongs

Well, that's frustrating Lord. I'm an excellent record keeper.

I know

Well, I know I'm not wrong to be offended, I mean, I know You think he is wrong too. Right? Okay, You are right about me, I'll remove this speck so I can help remove his log...

Did I just hear God laughing?

Sigh. Okay. I'll think about what You said.

No only does it not help to recall his past offenses to add them to this particular situation, You're saying I'm not being loving. Which is what I'm upset with him for.

do you think you are?

Well, definitely not the first two descriptions. (1 Cor. 13:4) What should I do then?

Rejoice with the truth

Grrrrr. The last thing in the world I want to do right now is think about his good qualities. Okay, Okay. I appreciate that he works hard for us every day at work. I appreciate that he plays with the girls. I appreciate that he is a faithful husband.
My anger softens a little. I continue.
I am grateful that he reads to me at night even when he's tired. I am grateful that he remembers to ask my approval with how he uses him time after work, knowing that affects me. I am grateful he cleans out my car as a way to show he loves me.
I almost smile.
I am grateful that he can grin that big goofy smile at me even when I'm boiling mad about something. I am grateful he doesn't hold grudges against me. I am grateful he tells me I'm beautiful even when I feel my ugliest.
I begin to tear up.

Abba affirms You are an excellent record keeper.

I want to be! I know I need to be more loving too. Father, help me to record the right kind of things so that Love can cover a multitude of sins, especially my own.

A Selfish Body Part

Little Girl wants approval of her project, Baby needs attention, and Husband is trying to share something he's enjoying with me. My phone rings, my email is full, I have text messages I haven't responded to for days. The bed isn't made, the shoes must walk themselves all over the house, and how is that laundry hamper never empty??

This is not an unusual day. This is not a "bad" day. I have many people wanting me to interact with them on some level in some way because they love me. I compare myself to all the women who appear to "have it all together" and those who are living in conditions that are so much harder than my own that a comparison is embarrassing. I criticize myself... I am so blessed, I have it so easy... why I am so frustrated? Why am I so weak?

Little Girl wants to eat for the 18th time today. So does Baby. They are both grumpy and restless. I think"Didn't I just feed you?"

Mom calls these days when the children have insatiable appetites "growing days". Their bodies must somehow signal that they need more nourishment.

I too am grumpy and restless. My stomach is fine but my spirit is worn thin. I try different things but nothing satisfies. I have had some Bread of Life, but I already need more.

Maybe I am having a growing day. My body, the body of Christ, needs me for so many tasks today.

I don't have anything left to give, Lord.

Come to me and I will give you rest.

I can't rest right now. I have so many things I need to do...

I feed the girls, feed the dog, rotate a load of laundry, wipe bottoms, wash hands, clear plates from table, pick up toys... wait. Didn't I pick up this toy earlier? Twice?

I call Little Girl.

"yes mommy?"

"didn't I tell you to pick up this toy?" I hear the frustration pour out of my words.

Little Girl is tired. My tone is the last straw. " Oh mommy! You're not happy with me! You're never going to be happy with me again! Oh I'm so tired and I'm so hungry!..."

The drama continues. Drama annoys me. I am overly frustrated so I am also annoyed with myself. I try to choose my words carefully and control my building frustration. "Please pick up your toy now. Then you can take a nap."

Bad choice. She flops to the ground. " Oh!! A nap?? I have to take a nap? Can't I just take a quiet time? Oh I can't believe I have to take a nap! Oh I'm just so tired..."

Deep breath. Hold it. Hold it longer. I need to walk away. I need to address the incorrect behavior. I'm about to have some incorrect behavior. Keep it short.

"Get on your bed now, I will talk to you in a minute."

After much stumbling and exclaiming she throws herself on her bed. I go put myself on mine. I need a time out.

God, why am I so frustrated over such small things today?

You are tired and hungry

I know exactly what He means. But, like Little Girl, I am determined to try to talk my way out of what I really need. I'll be fine. I just needed a minute. I need to finish cleaning this place up. I need to finish that email. I need to figure out something for Husband's supper. I need to change Baby. I need to go talk to Little Girl. I need to fold that laundry...

You need to stop being selfish.

What? Selfish? How am I being selfish? Everything I am doing is for someone else!

If one part suffers, every part suffers with it. Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it.
~1 Cor 12:26,27

I can not give what I do not have. So much is needed from me, so I need more from You. Even my relationship with You isn't just between You and me. It affects a lot of other people too. Maybe if I can't motivate myself to fill up on You for my own sake, I can encourage myself to do it for the sake of others. Who knows what nourishment He wants to bring through me?

I am part of a body. I don't want to be a selfish part.

I reach for the Word, open it, and take another bite of the Bread of Life.

The Never-Ending To-Do List

Even if the days were 48 hours long, I will never, ever, reach the bottom of my to-do list.

So...


Cleaning and Scrubbing can wait 'til tomorrow
For babies grow up we've learned to our sorrow...
So quiet down cobwebs,
Dust, go to sleep.
I'm rocking my baby
And babies don't keep.

~Author Unknown








And remember to...

Thank God for dirty dishes,
They have a lot to tell.
While other folks go hungry,
We are so very well.
With home, and health, and happiness
We shouldn't want to fuss,
For by this stack of evidence
God's very good to us.

~Author Unknown


I hope one day to reach a place where I don't need to be reminded that spending time with Jesus, and the people whose lives He has let me be a part of, are more important than getting things done.


As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!"
"Martha, Martha" the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."
Luke 10:38-42

Like Martha I have opened my home, my heart, my life to Him... but then I busy myself with things and forget to sit and listen.

You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes...
James 4:14

Life is precious, and short. And it seems to fly by at an ever-quickening pace. Let us chose what is better, that which will never be taken away from us!

I love to hear my Four Year Old Girl sing, and even the softest coos of my Baby bring me joy. I encourage you to sing a song of praise to Him today... remember He is a Father that loves to hear His children happy. Even if you don't have joy when you begin singing, I am confident you will by the time you finish!





"Come thou fount of every blessing..."

"Before the throne of God above, I have a strong and perfect plea..."

"There is one faith, one hope, and one baptism... One God and Father of all..."

The Perfect Parent

Baby Girl is perfect. Pure. Beautiful. A flawless masterpiece of the Great Artist.

I know it won't last long. Maybe that is why it is so precious now.

Sin will show itself very early in her life. Big Sister already displays her broken nature in such obvious, undeniable ways. It often is a mirror of the ugliness in me. I am more aware than ever of my sinfulness.

I want it burned out of me. I want to help them stay pure as long as possible. I go again to the Refiner.

"REMEMBER." He says to me over and over. "REMEMBER."

He has already answered me about this cry in my heart. This plea to be a good parent.

I remember when 4 Year Old Girl was only a few months old...I was a 19 year old girl... I remember...


Darkness. Deep drowning darkness that chokes tears from my eyes. On my knees in weakness, begging for Strength, forehead to the floor.

"God Pleeeeeeeease! Please don't let her turn out like me! Please don't let my sin affect her! Please don't let her suffer because of my mistakes!"

The Enemy of my soul is close. Past actions assault my mind, leaving me defenseless of my guilt. Giving myself away, welcoming drugs, and alcohol, and pain into my body. Sacrificing my unborn child and fostering a relationship with death. Possible futures crush my spirit with images of my precious daughter repeating my same actions and sneering at me that I can say nothing to her because of what I've done. In this hellish future she cries broken-hearted, uncomforted, because I have made the word "father" a complicated, painful word for her.

In anguish I scream to Him "And won't it certainly be that way? My parents were as close to perfection as I have seen on this earth, and look at the choices I still made! Oh God PLEASE, please, please, oh God PLEASE don't let her turn out like me..."

Enemy smiles and whispers, as he did in that hungry desert long ago, tempting me to utter despair by twisting words of Truth. " But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea..." (Matt 18:6) He wraps the rope around my throat and the crushing weight drags me down and I can only sob a broken, whispered "help!"

Choking out sobs I flail in the suffocating darkness. I feel Father's strong hands gently unwrap the rope and tenderly cradle my face.

"You are not blind. Now you see. Open your eyes and look at Me."
I ache. "I can't! I can't do this! Please don't let her suffer because of me!...."

Even more tenderly "Open your eyes and look at Me."

My head feels so heavy. I slowly lift up my face while drawing in ragged breaths. I painfully raise my swollen lids to the Light.

"You are forgiven!"

I collapse against Him and sob. He still loves me. I am forgiven. The weight begins to drop with my tears. The oxygen returns to the air. His lights absorbs my darkness. His peace consumes my fear.

" I don't understand it, Father, how You can love me."

"You do. You know how you love her."

I think about my Little One. Had I ever really loved before her? I had always been too selfish for what I experienced to be called love for another. It was just a twisted kind of self-love. But this-this love that Love had given me when I accepted His breath of life into my spirit--this was the kind of love where I could lay down my life for another. More than that, I could live my life for someone other than me. I was finally willing to serve.

I plead with Him who didn't shy away from washing feet "please teach me how to be a good parent."

"I am your husband, and your friend, I will never leave you. Do not be discouraged. Do not be dismayed. "

The tears still well up in my eyes, I voice the fear He already knows " but what if..."

"Her sin will not be about you." He understands so well. Too well.

He draws my thoughts to a beautiful garden, where even He, the Perfect Parent, had to ask His beloved child "what is this you have done?" (Gen 3:13)

He has had to ask that many times since. The sin is a choice. The children of the Perfect Parent still choose to sin....

I place my forehead back on the ground in prayer. "then help me to respond perfectly as You do. Help me to discipline in love like You do. Help me to remember that Your kindness leads to redemption, and that You love her more fiercely than I ever could. Help me to remember Your promises..."


...Now I remember.



He promises to take care of my children:

He who fears the Lord has a secure fortress, and for his children it will be a refuge. (Proverbs 14:26)


My grandchildren:
But from everlasting to everlasting the LORD's love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children's children" (Psalm 103:17)


And many more generations:
...Showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments. (Exodus 20:6)



I love to read Psalm 118 out loud! And to give thanks to the LORD for he is good; his love endures forever!

Children are a Compliment from God

Thank You, Abba, for entrusting these precious ones to my care.

Thank You for the joy of serving them.

Thank You for the joy of serving You.

"Come, Lord Jesus, come..."

until then, help me to blossom where You have planted me for this season.

May I bear much fruit for Your glory!

Giving the Gift of Joy

Am I the Grinch?

I look around and notice that I am standing on the edge of a cliff grinning at the possibility of pushing off this sleigh full of gifts to be dashed on the rocks below...

Then I hear singing.

Little Girl is still happily making each family member eight thousand cards (each), singing about giving and how happy she is and how thrilled the recipient of her two minute masterpiece will be.

I need an ally before I do this gruesome deed.

Surely Husband will agree with me about not joining the typical American consumer mindset about Christmas. But before I can even present the idea of strapping antlers on the dogs and..."hey babe," he says "what do you think about this gift for your mom?..."

So, I am alone in this feeling. This frustration that I don't know how to work out. Husband has the same glow that Little Girl does. I am the one who is grumpy inside. And I'm grumpy because I'm grumpy. And that makes me grumpier because I want to have the right perspective! Hmmmm...

It's so much easier to have a dramatic reaction then to think this whole gift-giving thing through. Sigh. Sit down.

Okay Lord, I've got some very excited people that I love very much wanting me to share in their plans for Christmas. I want Christmas to be about YOU and I do not want gifts to get in the way of that...

It is more blessed to give than to receive.(Acts 20:35)

Right! Exactly Lord, so I don't want to discourage their giving, and I love to give gifts. I really don't have a problem with giving gifts, but I am having a hard time with the receiving part...

Somebody has to be on the receiving end

Shouldn't it only be those who are really in need? We don't NEED anything, we are so blessed...

...let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers. (Gal 6:10)

I feel like I don't know anything, Lord. I don't know how to honor You in this area.

Remember what you know

I know that life, and breath, and everything else I have is from You.(Acts 17:25) I know that You are the most extravagant gift I have ever received, and will ever receive. (Col 2:3, John 17:3) I know You are keenly aware of those who are in need. I know giving is in Your nature, and You love to give to me, and to my family all year round. And I know You give us, though we are extremely wealthy, physical gifts, not just spiritual ones.

Receive love, give joy.

Little Girl brings me the third card she has made in the last ten minutes "see mom! I put your favorite color on here, and these little papers, and this is sparkly..."

Her never-ending animated description makes me smile. "I love it!"

Grinning from ear to ear she beams with joy "yeah, I knew you would! Uhm, and you know what? You're precious, and you're beautiful, and I love you, and I'm gonna make you some more cards for you, ok? Ok..." off she runs.

She gives because she loves. There is pure joy in my receiving it. It doesn't matter if the gift is "practical" or "beautiful" or "useful" because it is simply an expression of love. When I receive that love, I give back joy. And that is appropriate and honoring to You. I will try to remember to not only focus on all in the world that I can not change, but to reflect Your character by gratefully receiving the love that is packaged especially for me... and in doing so give the gift of joy to the loving giver.

Even in receiving we can give.

Receive love, give joy.