The Cure I Really Need

I've been soothing fevered bodies for a few days now. I am tired.

I am so thankful for this extra time I have with my sweet girls and husband and am glad to help meet needs... but sometimes, my sickness takes over.

I become impatient, ill-mannered, ungrateful.

And my Refiner who lets the heat increase to burn out the dross... unseen, lurking underneath the surface and making me unwell... He reminds what I need:

"Return, faithless people; I will cure you of backsliding."

~Jeremiah 3:22a

I want to be faithful in small things so He can entrust me with big things. I sip down the dose of His Word that He sends to heal me, to save me from the grave. And when He sends His command to me, a sick stranger missing home on this ill, ailing, disease ridden earth, it runs through my veins swiftly, the cure promised, needed.

"Yes, we will come to you, for you are the LORD our God."

~Jeremiah 3:22b

My Jesus Story Box: The Ring Box

Little Girl loves to pick it up, open and shut, open and shut. The paper holds little interest for her now, but someday, when love stirs her heart, she'll reach for the words that will set a standard she may not even know she has.

It is one of the most precious moments of my life, but oh, it is His glorious story.

* * * * * *

"Are you ready to read the Proverb for the day?"

I stop buzzing around and lay the long day down, look up into soft smiling eyes. His, hazel-green and gold flecked.

It was his hair that first caught my attention...

... but his eyes that held me, a too-young sixteen, a curious, quiet-deep that drew people to him(who was I to resist?). That hasn't changed. But now, with the Spirit behind them, magnetic pull intensified, inspiring these words I only dreamed of hearing a long year ago.

Lips curl happy. "Sure, your Bible or mine?"

He, the cool-cat, says it calm, shoulder-shrugged " Yours..."

I toe-turn immediately to retrieve our newly shared Treasure, Gold hidden under layers of each hour-stacked day. His asking brings soul-singing, an answer to my years-long prayers for this man to be after His own heart. It is a recent routine, this Proverb reading, and I love and look forward to it.

I settle in snuggled, leaning back against the pillowed wall, right in the center of the twin bed. He takes his usual place on the floor beside the low frame, kneeled close and lounging. I ask it, expectant, hopeful "Did you want to read, or me?" I love his reading voice, the way the scriptures fall fresh, many seen by his eyes for the first time. He often asks questions unashamed, and I realize how much I take for granted, all those years my parents taught me all about Him.

"Why don't you read this time?"

A little surprised but unruffled, I turn familiar pages, underlined in inks of blue, black and red... some pencil too, from my first soul-stretching days. Find the Proverb 25, run words and fingers down the page.

And right at the end I see it there, all purple and square, with his familiar man-neat scrawl. The sticky note reads: "Please see Ephesians 5:21-28".

The corners of my mouth twitch but I force them still. I try to keep thoughts from pounding my impatient curiosity out in a happy-squeal. Could this be it?

I flip quickly, feel his eyes on mine. I read. "Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord...Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her...In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as with their own bodies."

I let the smile go so my face won't burst, read the next purple square: "Please see Colossians 3:18-20"

Fingers fly, and I grin it, chin shaking "... Husbands love your wives and do not be harsh with them."

I follow the "Please see 1 Timothy 3:1-5" and squeak it out, unable to look at his face "... the husband of but one wife..."

Tremble over to "Please see Hebrews 13:4-6" and whisper-stumble through "1 Peter 3:1-5" and then I see it, folded and tucked tightly against the binding that holds all these Joy-words together.

Blue-print lined and laid out, vulnerable lines of life-plans, confidence summed up with a question mark.

I brim and blur from the first line, he, who once said some several years ago "I think evolution is true. I don't believe in a God, sitting up on a cloud, waving a magic wand over humanity..." now writes strong and sure:

"There is One God and He is Almighty."

Eyes spill hot, like so many liquid prayers that he, this man so-long loved, would write that, know that. The second line, too:

"He sacrificed His One Son to pay the ultimate price for our sins."

My cup overflows. I read on, all beautifully undone:

"Under His covenant, man is to marry one woman

and they are to become "one."

Not one day passes in which I do not enjoy

the LORD's gifts and creations...

You are one of those special gifts!

I want to be one husband, one man, one leader

and one good role model to you.

This one time I ask you, will you be my one wife?"

One tear drops soft next to the drawn ring that reads "one" and I whisper it past the gorgeous held-out solitaire right into his deep tenderness, "Yes!"

* * * * * * *

And I know it now more than ever, see new shoots from solid roots going deeper, that there is but One God, and Oh, He is Mighty to save.

We are new!

"Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, for our “God is a consuming fire.”

~Hebrews 12:28-29

He consumes, and gives beauty for ashes.

If You Feel Like You aren't Important to the Body of Christ

If you had been a fly on the wall this past week, you would have heard these words countless times: " Share, please share, share! "

While there are many reasons I want my children to share, like not having to listen to ear-piercing screaming, definitely ranking right up there at the top is this reason: sharing benefits everyone. The person who was shared-with, the share-er, and everyone else who now has a more pleasant environment than the previous bickering and selfish stubbornness. Sharing is for the common good.

Sharing doesn't come naturally, and it certainly isn't just difficult for children to learn. It truly does have to be learned. And to learn, there must be repetition.

I am particularly thankful this week for Ann, who has shared her heart in a beautiful book, benefiting so many in countless ways by sharing what the Father has shown her, taught her, walked out with her.

It can be intimidating, after reading such well written words, to want to share my own grammatically incorrect and very non-poetic perspectives, but God gently reminds that He gives good gifts, insights, to each of us who seek His face. He delights to do this! If we share with each other what He has done in our lives, things He has whispered in our hearts, it glorifies Him and benefits the common good. He is just an awesome multi-tasker like that.

The Spirit manifests Himself to each of us, and in each of us, in different ways. If we share what He has shown us, together we see Him better. And when we see Him in His glory and beauty, we want to be more like Him. Thank you, Ann, for sharing a wise and knowledgeable message of soul-hole-healing and communion with God through giving thanks, inspired and worked out by the Spirit.

And you--God-crafted, individual, beautiful person reading these words--please keep sharing what God shows you. You are a piece of the Father's heart that will never be experienced on this earth the exact same way again. Ever. Share! : )

Maybe now is a perfect time to start a Jesus Story Box?

Counting thanks again today with the lovely Holy Experience community...

#124 space heater to warm cold ache out of thin toes

#125 Husband's creativity that takes up a lot of the living room

#126 the smell of sweet grapefruit, rounded and ripe, sun shades on dimpled skin

#127 that God still inspires words, that He teaches through others, that He multi-tasks

#128 a bright, cheerful corner on a gray-drizzled day

#129 rain marks that blanket-top wooden fence boards

#130 cinnamon and pure maple syrup over hot buttered toast

#131 Daddy and daughter-made pasta jewelry (Daddy's idea!)

#132 unexpected "just because" gift of flowers from the Husband-twice in two weeks!

#133 full-mouthed baby, muffled and persistent, bouncing out her "i" emphasized "biiiiiiiite!"

#134 un-rushed morning nursing, knowing time is almost up for this special baby-bond, this gift of love and comfort to my ever-more-independent babe

#135 gentle, open-palmed baby smacks to my face, and her tiny pointer finger tracing the tips of my eyelashes

#136 thunder and lightning-free shower for happy rain-booted feet to tromp in

#137 rain bringing brief sky-light spots when it meets cemented-ground... like God's own christmas lights show set to fast-paced, sweet drumming music.

#138 sisters who adore each other

#139 patient cats with rough children

#140 his wedding-ringed hand searching for mine under covers to squeeze a sleepy "good morning"

#141 that I didn't trip, pass out, or throw up before, during or after my brief talk in church yesterday on the Sanctity of Human Life(I was even more nervous than usual!). And yes, for curious minds, I was rewarded with the broach Selah told me I could have "if you do a good job and everyone cheers really loudly."

#142 my little "cook"

"Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good. To one there is given through the Spirit the message of wisdom, to another the message of knowledge by means of the same Spirit, to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by that one Spirit, to another miraculous powers, to another prophecy, to another distinguishing between spirits, to another speaking in different kinds of tongues, and to still another the interpretation of tongues. All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and he gives them to each one, just as he determines."

~ 1 Corinthians 12:7-11

When Stress is Threatening to Consume You

I lay my cheek against the cool countertop and breathe, breathe, breathe. Heart-whispered prayers that are nearly choked out, the ache of stress in my chest.

Husband stills and asks concerned " are you okay, dear?..."

My throat feels closed shut and I can't squeak out an answer. I breathe short, simple prayers in these constricted moments, warm vapor vanishing over cool stone.

I pray and practice, my body testifying to the spirit's strain and stretching, this hard training of taking thoughts captive to Christ so I remain free.

And I recognize this strain and pain and I pray that it would not be a sin against Him, He who I trust with my very life. And I remember His words to not worry, and that He will provide, and does this stress mean I don't really believe Him, does this mean I have little faith?

I struggle with this as much as the decisions to be made and the days to be lived.

And He is strong beyond comprehension but His hands are so gentle as they cup my face in loving encouragement, that I am reminded that stress itself is not necessarily a sin. These Hands that hold all the world together once wiped away sweat-blood dripping down His own face, a physical reaction to what the Spirit knew was coming. Physical, emotional, spiritual agony that my deepest ache cannot even imagine. And He even knew the happy ending to the story.

These trials, too, are imminent. They are unfolding and on their way to greet me, some already close enough to kiss me.

I have prayed and I know this cup will not pass, and I am a willing party to His beautiful plan of redemption. And, oh, what grace that I should ever be allowed to have any part in His work.

But moments come when I can barely breathe.

Still, all my moments are gladly His. I inhale and exhale ragged and worn still wearing this peace armor because His grace is sufficient for me, Jehovah Jireh, Jehovah Rapha.

And truly that is all they are, moments, only moments of His story.

I have nothing but these moments to try to bring Him glory, and who knows how many more I shall have?

I steel against myself and refuse to practice the habit of taking hard moments for granted, and isn't that what I do when I view them as just something to make it through?

I don't want to miss this point of all this, I don't want to struggle and miss the lesson, the gift.

And I am learning, slowing, that if I take this moment without gratitude, am I not forgetting the awesome wonders He worked such few moments ago?

"Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them."

~Deuteronomy 4:6

Through so many situations, in so many ways, He reminds me again to remember. Remember. Remember and bear witness to what I've seen, to Who I know, to not let these things slip from my aching, stubborn, forgetful heart as long as I live.

So in lifestyle and words I teach what He has done, My Jesus Story Box full of reminders.

I think long of the first line of Husband's unexpected proposal, a Jesus-story I will share soon, and it sums up my reason for breathing, for gratitude, for remembering, even when it hurts.

"There is One God, and He is Almighty..."

Practicing the Habit of Remembering...

The Real Reason Why God is Calling You to Him

I call it loud and clear to reach her upstairs in her room. "Selah! Come here, I want to tell you something!"

I smile at the quick response of thud, thud, thud, thud then her head peaks around the corner of the stairway, curls dangling over the banister. "Yes ma'am?" Cautious eyes wide and wondering.

Her eyes search mine and she's waiting. She knows she's been having a rough day. There has been an unusual amount of correction and discipline needed.

I smile to reassure her. "I wanted to tell you what I think about you. You know what that is, don't you?"

She pauses briefly, then says questioningly, seriously, "I'm not being a good girl today?"

No. No. Crushed under that sentence I try to laugh and smile a bigger smile to let her know what she already knows.

"No! That's not what I was going to say! Try again," another smile, "what am I thinking about you?"

She digs deeper. Looks around "You want me to do some school?"

My heart can't take it. I'm busting. I've randomly done this with her for the last three years, always the same question, always framed the same way, she has always known the answer. But she is sincerely stumped. Can't she see it in my eyes? She must not be looking at my face.

I urge her with all the sincerity I can muster in my voice "No. Selah, you know this, what am I thinking about you?"

Another heart-breaking moment passes then I see it light across her face. She knows. She grins it loud "You love me! You think I am beautiful."

"Yes!!..." the ache quietly throbbing in my chest, "yes, I love you. I think you are beautiful."

Her smile still glowing she turns back up the stairs "... I know mom, you tell me everyday..."

I sit still and don't move for quite some time. Thoughts pound and ache and settle slowly.

You say you know, that I tell you everyday, but it took you three times to answer correctly...

He wraps His arms around me. The Parent so used to being misunderstood. He's been calling me to come to Him. And I, struggling, flailing, disciplined, cautious and wide-eyed, both question and assume what He wants to say. I haven't been good today? He wants me to do something?

His whisper aches " don't I tell you everyday?..."

I open His Word, look long into His face. It's everywhere, Spirit-breathed in urgent sincerity:

"Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away. If one were to give all the wealth of his house for love, it would be utterly scorned."

"As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love..."

"This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins."

"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

I remember what I know and I'm still learning that first lesson from yesterday... the greatest of these is Love.

The Greatest Lesson to Learn

Chin deep into our homeschooling day I teach and put myself in His class, repetition of what I know to melt my priorities into His.

"Oh God, help me, teach me..."

The Baby bangs happily on her stainless steel pot, stirring her spoon into a blissful, silver blur. Her toothy grin stops my "stop it!!", I inhale deep her sweet happiness. It takes the edge off for a fleeting moment. Big Sister uses her loud-speaker voice to trump the volume of the clanging. All the ugly in me has been clawing to get out all this tired, hungry day.

I pause from giving instruction, correction, and He whispers application.

"If you teach her grammar and scripture, but have not love, you are only an obnoxious loud noise..."

I wring hands and rub forehead and try to focus on the barrage of good, God-focused questions that spill from curious girl-lips. For the life of me I can't figure out when or where she is even taking a breath. "What will heaven be like? Can you see the earth if you're in heaven? We get to come back to the earth after God makes it new, right?..."

And I want to be wise about not being legalistic in sticking to our school schedule, I want to answer good questions and encourage curiosity. Experience has also taught me there are an endless string of answers that birth more questions and learning to stay focused on the task at hand is God-honoring, too. The verbal onslaught continues and I dare not open my mouth lest the monster in me comes out. Impatience roars behind taunt lips and I close my eyes to the frustration that this moment, this whole day, I am nothing like the mom I desire to be.

I silent-beg and His answer echos in the deep down places. It surfaces and I think it over and over "... even if I had the gift of knowing the future and could understand all these mysteries and impart all knowledge to her, and if I had faith that could move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing..."

We talk, and read, and write. We organize rooms and discuss what should be donated to those who have less, those in need heavy on my mind, my full hands feeling empty of any real help. Our daily bread too, piling higher on credit cards, piercing my pride and filling my prayers.

I look long at the example of child-like faith that dances around me in song, her joy a sharp contrast to my anxious thought-full-ness. I learn as I pray while picking up layers of all that clutters "... if I give all I have to the poor, and martyr myself for the cleanliness of this house and burn out trying to make the best choices for our finances, but have not love, I gain nothing."

She has long had this memorized, one of her favorites, we recite it together, both wanting to pass the test before us. The double-edged sword revealing the thoughts and attitudes of my heart, pin-pointing my shortcomings: "Love is patient, love is kind... it is not rude... it is not easily angered... it always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

He shifts my focus now onto Himself, He alone Who wears this perfectly "Love never fails."

He never does. He is patient and kind with me. He gives me His Spirit of love, and teaches me to recognize what is not. He is my solid Hope to be a good mother. I invite Him to fill me every minute, fill this space, fill my ache, my questions. I know that when Perfection comes, and He will, imperfection disappears.

1If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

~1 Corinthians 13

To Vaccinate or Not to Vaccinate... That is the Question

A very, very hot topic question.

Why? Because everyone loves and wants what is best for their child(ren).

I could get super complex with this touchy issue, but let me just state my position simply.

I chose not to vaccinate my children. From my viewpoint, I have no reason to, and a lot of reasons not to. I homeschool. My children have not/will not go to daycare. Etc., etc., etc.

I don't judge you or think you are a terrible person if you do vaccinate your kids, could you please extend the same courtesy to me for choosing not to?

Most of my closest friends vaccinate their children. We disagree. We still love, and like, each other.

While I would not use all of the language used in some of these articles/websites, I think there is excellent information here to consider:

http://www.whale.to/vaccines/mendelsohn.html

***edited to add: click here to read some information on Dr. Robert Mendelsohn(author of the article of the first link I have provided). I acknowledge this study is from 1984. I still place a lot of weight in his conclusions because I have not yet seen medical information that disqualifies or out-dates his findings.***

http://www.nvic.org/

As a woman who has had an abortion at Planned Parenthood when I was 18 years old(and deeply regret that decision), I have followed abortion issues closely since then. The extent of the abortion industry was brought to my attention through my training to become a counselor at my local Crisis Pregnancy Center. I counseled weekly for two years, and experience and personal testimonies confirmed many of the unfortunate, and downright ugly, things I had read or heard about.

Why am I talking about abortion and vaccines? Aborted fetal tissue is what many of the common vaccines use as their original source for diseased tissue.

Others use chickens, rabbits, monkeys, and cows.

Here is a link to a list of ingredients in vaccines(read where it says :Animal ByProducts):

http://www.informedchoice.info/cocktail.html

Also:

http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2008/01/02/dead-baby-parts-business-booming.aspx

There is so much more. I am sure this is more than enough to absorb and think about for a "first pass" though.

Please feel free to share your thoughts, opinions, information and perspectives you value, with me!

"As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."

~Proverbs 27:17

Not always comfortable... but good! I look forward to being sharpened by your love for me and the Truth!

This was written with prayers, deep love, and respect, for you.

A Frame on the Masterpiece

A couple of verses have been on my mind since I posted yesterday about Why What You Look Like Really Matters a Lot.

I wrote to the point that we are just a frame on the masterpiece of Christ in us... and how important it is how we present ourselves to the world around us and fellow believers.

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful,

I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you

when I was made in the secret place.

When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

your eyes saw my unformed body.

All the days ordained for me

were written in your book

before one of them came to be."

~Psalm 139:14-16

And this... from the lips of man grieving deeply, fully aware of the fragility of life, and how quickly our time here passes. Let's make the most of it!

"My days are swifter than a runner... they skim past like boats of papyrus."

~Job 10:25,26

"... My whole frame is but a shadow..."

~Job 17:7

Why What You Look Like Really Matters a Lot

We are late, as usual, and I rush, rush, rush applying concealer beneath my sleep deprived eyes.

She stands there, a tall, gorgeous five, framed by the white painted wood that leads to her bedroom and asks me a brush-stopping question:

"Why are you putting on makeup, mom? You are already beautiful."

Why, indeed. A brilliant, simple, deep question. Why, when we are short on time and I'm rushing up a sweat to leave do I take an extra minute for my appearance?

I smile into her stormy-skied eyes streaked with sapphire blues. Ebony dipped lashes blink up and down a sweet, bronze-highlighted curl.

"I am putting on makeup for the same reason I put on different clothes, so how I look won't be a distraction."

* * * * *

What is appropriate, righteous, beautiful, modest... can be a church splitting question. It can be a family splitting question. That is to say: it can be a painful body-splitting question.

"So in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others."

~Romans 12:5

And making every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit is so important... but what do we do when in faith and honesty and sincerity we can not agree on this issue of what it means to be holy and blameless in our appearance and how we present ourselves to the world and to fellow believers?

I work as a professional makeup artist and hair stylist, and after I have prepared a bride for her ceremony and she looks in the mirror I often hear something like this: "Wow. Thank you! I look beautiful, I wish you could come to my house every morning..."

My response? I smile and look her straight in face "No. YOU are beautiful, I am just putting a frame on the masterpiece."

Am I suggesting women should have a makeup artist and hairstylist everyday? Absolutely not. Am I suggesting women should wear makeup every day? Absolutely not. I also do not suggest putting on a beautiful gown for everyday life. But for the celebration of two becoming one, our earthly picture of Christ and the church, in our time and place, these things are a perfectly acceptable, fitting frame.

And the frame matters. So much.

WHY?

Because the frame can highlight or subtract from the masterpiece artwork that is the Spirit of Christ in you.

I go without makeup or styling my hair much more often than not. I do not dress up, or even attempt a "put together" look often. I am a stay at home mom most days, and there is no point to spend a few extra minutes on those things for my children who would wrinkle and stain and head-love away all my efforts within the hour.

So what is the point?

To bring glory to God. This is the ultimate goal of my life, and through my appearance is just one other avenue.

And this does not only apply to makeup, hairstyling and clothing. Facial expression is another way-too-often-underestimated way that we communicate the True Beauty within us.

The Deceiver knows how distracting what the eyes see can be. To so many, all they see is the physical world, they are completely unaware that we war against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

So I try to eliminate distraction whenever I can. That means around family or friends who might be distracted by makeup... I wear very little or none at all. By family or friends who would be more distracted by my tiredness or dressing like a bum, I spruce up a little. The goal is to be a frame that displays Christ in me, the Hope of glory. The same frame is not always appropriate in all settings.

I am running a race in this life, trying to run in such a way as the get the prize. Being in strict training requires various attire. Different seasons in life bring necessary changes to this as well.

That means, with my best understanding of God's will and a clear conscience and an active faith, I have become all frames to all people that I might draw some to the Artist.

And this one body of Christ has many members, and the members do not all have the same function. Not all frames were meant to look the same.

God made us each unique, in our particular and very individual clay frames to display different things about His infinitely glorious beauty.

In this time in history, in this location of the world, how can you best eliminate distraction and draw attention to his glorious beauty by being an attractively fitting frame?

And please don't think I'm referring to only the physically young. Antique frames are some of the most beautiful.

And if I want my frame to have great worth in God's sight, I make it my aim to please Him by adorning myself with the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit.

I am a frame in progress, inwardly being renewed day by day. Until He transforms my lowly body to be like His glorious one, I pray to be as wise as a serpent, and as innocent as a dove.

Working on wearing the habit of a frame that glorifies God with my sisters from A Holy Experience...

When You Don't Know Where to Begin

I wake to dishes and laundry and stacks of scrapbook supplies piled as high and deep as decisions I must make this week.

The new year is here but the old one clings and how do I decide where to start?

There are meals to plan, budget, and prepare. There are lessons to plan, soccer schedules, piano lessons, guitar lessons, art classes, library times, museum locations, Rosetta stone Spanish, and new chore charts to make. There are books to read and write and edit, leadership opportunities to pray over, financial obligations, adoption information, much needed basic house organization, and prayer about when and where and how much to invest in various relationships.

Then there is all the daily maintenance to keep this home from becoming an enormous compost pile.

When a break from the "break" is needed and beginnings come too soon and sudden I beg of Him Who tells me to ask so I may receive:

"I don't know where to begin. Where do I begin??"

He is straightforward with my simple self and I dearly love Him for it.

The Proverb for the day, the Proverb that begins every month, every year, this year... Proverbs 1... has the answer in verse 7.

"The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge"

He lays it out in a single line and I have my first stepping stone across this raging stream of questions. If I want to even begin to know what to do, I must first have the fear of the LORD.

"Great!..." My elation soars and stalls, "Now what is that exactly?"

The root word used when speaking of the "fear" of the LORD is not one that means a fear of punishment. It is the Hebrew word "yirah" that denotes reverence and awe.

He has brought me here before, this desire to better understand the fear of the LORD, new resolutions surge to fear Him as He desires because He says plainly:

"The fear of the LORD leads to life: then one rests content, untouched by trouble."

~Proverbs 19:23

"Through the fear of the LORD a man avoids evil."

~Proverbs 16:6

"Humility and the fear of the LORD bring wealth and honor and life."

~Proverbs 23:17

"The fear of the LORD adds length to life."

~Proverbs 10:27

And I have taught it to my sharp five year old, and we recite this often, this blueprint in bold black and white that maps out how to understand this fear of the LORD and yes, even find the knowledge of very God Himself.

It is sometimes hard for me to connect the dots but sweet Jesus put them close together, these instructions laid out in the second chapter of Proverbs, the second stepping stone answering this second question " how can I understand what the fear of the LORD is?"

He encourages:

"My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you,

turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding,

and if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, and if you look for it as silver and search for it as hidden treasure,

then you will understand the fear of the LORD and find the knowledge of God. "

~Proverbs 2:1-5

I have accepted His words and store up His commands, I turn my ear and apply my heart, I call out and cry aloud and He knows this and whispers it in all my questioning canyons "now look for it as silver, and search for it as hidden treasure."

Ah. The hard work of study. Search and research. Reading more than a snippet here, a well known passage there. Searching in the dusty books for silver lines and hidden caves full of treasure.

And I love to read of adventure but to take the hard steps into unfamiliar places and become the bold Word-seeker shakes these untrained spiritual muscles and weakness revealed births a different kind of fear.

What will I find of You in the hidden places? I have trusted You thus far and have just become comfortable with all You've shown me. I follow happily. Now the Light wants me to brave the deep and reaches for my hand encouraging:

"The LORD confides in those who fear Him..."

O that the Most High would confide in me!

Me. That is where the fear feeds from. I do not fear Him, but what He might expose in me. All of the unknowns. I am always what keeps us from going deeper.

He waits for me to catch my breath.

He gently smiles right into my weakness and leaves His strong hand extended:

"you know Me."

The tears well and swell and wash away this forgetfulness of His love. And He who I revere and awe perfectly melts all my fear, casts it far away. I take His hand.

He smiles. "The beginning of wisdom..."

And where does He lead? Higher up and deeper in the mystery of Him in Whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge. I'll write more of our adventures soon...