Dear Daughter,
I've had these words pounding in my heart for you. I've spoken many of these things directly to you in the last few days. But I know that the ache I feel, and why these words won't go away, is because if I am painfully honest I'm not always living these truths out.
So. I mean this public declaration to be a God-honoring way of drawing a line in the sand.
I want you to know, in the deepest parts of your growing woman-child heart, that I am not too busy for you.
I want you to talk with me. I want to hear your thought processes. I want you to know that I care about what is important to you. I want you to know that I don't take your fears and concerns lightly and you can always come to me for the comfort of my arms in the dark. I will never belittle you for your fears.
I need you to know that I would never trade a spotless house for you. When we watched HGTV together while I was sick it broke my heart to hear you wondering aloud if you should agree with some of what those on-air said about children and adult space. Your eyes were tender and silently searched mine to see if I agreed with them. I need you to know that I would never trade having extra space, or stuff, or money, or time, or energy instead of having you and your sisters. Not even on the wildest day.
I need you to know I don't consider you a burden, some difficult phase of life to "make it past". I know you've heard people, me, talk so often about the difficulties of raising kids. I know you're an amazing listener and you quietly absorb it all like a sponge and sometimes when you just can't hold anymore it squeezes out the corners of your eyes in the dark, when it's just me and you and you whisper that you're really, truly, trying to be good. My darling, you are good. So good. I need you to know that you are one of the best gifts God has ever given me and I don't ever, ever, want to "make it past" you. At any stage. I love you and like you no matter what phase we are growing through.
And I want you to know that I am going to be intentional, from here on out, about when I look at any kind of screen. I want to set the example of self-control and God-centered priorities for you.
I need you to know that you are a far more precious investment to me than my work. Work is good and a God-gift to us and we are designed to spend much of our lives serving in different ways... But in everything I do, everything, I am simply an investor of things that belong to God. My time, my energy, my skills, my financial resources, my body, my everything belongs to Him. And I pray I am being wise with what He gives.
And you... You are His daughter. And miracle upon miracle He is sharing you with me for a little while and I cannot even begin to express how very precious you are to me. I pray I invest in you in such a way that is worthy of the King's daughter.
And yes, I will snuggle with you as long as you like. I will read you that chapter and blow bubbles until I'm out of breath. I will teach you to bake and it truly is ok when you get excited and stir flour out all over the counter. Messes are often wonderful teachers and Grace is the most wonderful of all.
Thank you for how much grace you have with me, for how easily you forgive my many messes. Thank you for teaching me so much about God, and life, and friendship, and forgiveness, and prayer, and art, and being brave, and perseverance, and how to play and rest and lighten up and laugh.
I can't tell you how many times I look at you and think she is so beautiful. And you know what I've told you since you first began learning language: no one can be beautiful because of what they look like on the outside. They can be very physically attractive but if they are soul-ugly they will never be beautiful. Beauty is only, always, how much we are like Christ. And you, my daughter, are beautiful.
You are beautiful.
I love you with all my heart.
Mom
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