Tuesday, December 29, 2009

An Excellent Record Keeper

Husband did it again. And again. Haven't we talked about this a thousand times? Is this an intentional attempt to annoy me?

I walk past him in such a cold attitude that surely it must chill him to the bone. I look for some acknowledgement. Surprise, surprise, he doesn't notice.

Well then, I'll just wait him out until he decides to notice.

I will still be a good wife. I will still do my duties even though I am offended. I continue folding his clothes and then go to prepare his supper. I am stirring up the food and my mental checklist...

yes, we did just talk about this last week. And yesterday. If he cared he'd be more intentional about not doing it again, and he doesn't even notice that I'm upset. It's not like I'm hiding it! I continue stirring...

He comes up beside me and kisses me on the cheek with a lighthearted "Ooo! This looks great! Is there any avacado to go with it? Any ranch?"

I don't look up. I only offer a gruff "I don't know."

He caught the barb. It stung. "What is your problem?" Is his tactful and delicate approach to my obvious displeasure.

I glare the thought "my problem??" and walk away from the kitchen.

I shut our door a little too hard. I am boiling. My thoughts reflect my feelings. My problem?? MY problem?? Let the food burn I am NOT going out there right now!

He does not pursue me but the fight continues in my head. I tell him what my problem is, or rather, what all his problems are. I complain to God about him. I know I can't change him. I ask the Holy Spirit to convict him. God's response?

Love keeps no record of wrongs

Well, that's frustrating Lord. I'm an excellent record keeper.

I know

Well, I know I'm not wrong to be offended, I mean, I know You think he is wrong too. Right? Okay, You are right about me, I'll remove this speck so I can help remove his log...

Did I just hear God laughing?

Sigh. Okay. I'll think about what You said.

No only does it not help to recall his past offenses to add them to this particular situation, You're saying I'm not being loving. Which is what I'm upset with him for.

do you think you are?

Well, definitely not the first two descriptions. (1 Cor. 13:4) What should I do then?

Rejoice with the truth

Grrrrr. The last thing in the world I want to do right now is think about his good qualities. Okay, Okay. I appreciate that he works hard for us every day at work. I appreciate that he plays with the girls. I appreciate that he is a faithful husband.
My anger softens a little. I continue.
I am grateful that he reads to me at night even when he's tired. I am grateful that he remembers to ask my approval with how he uses him time after work, knowing that affects me. I am grateful he cleans out my car as a way to show he loves me.
I almost smile.
I am grateful that he can grin that big goofy smile at me even when I'm boiling mad about something. I am grateful he doesn't hold grudges against me. I am grateful he tells me I'm beautiful even when I feel my ugliest.
I begin to tear up.

Abba affirms You are an excellent record keeper.

I want to be! I know I need to be more loving too. Father, help me to record the right kind of things so that Love can cover a multitude of sins, especially my own.

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