Monday, September 13, 2010

Clay Jars and Kittens

Her cloudy eyes gaze at me, past me, lips try to curl into a smile. The smile is more a thought than actuality and even that seems to drain precious energy. She is far away from here. Here hurts so much.

It hurts her whose heart has always been to help others. Her whose strong arms had held so many babies, two of her own, twelve grandchildren, four great-grandchildren and countless others. Now I hold this glass for her, half filled with water and too heavy for her skeletal hand to steady. She sips from the straw. She thanks me, thanks me, thanks me.

I sit by her side and wish I had sat there more. I listen to her stories and feelings and thoughts and wish I had listened more. I make an unspoken commitment to sit and still more, listen more.

She has told me she is looking forward to what is ahead of her.

She is a shell of the Grandmom I've known. She is dying.

It hits me full in the face. Death is an ugly thing, an enemy. One that I am usually far-removed from. There are so many things I do not understand. His thoughts are not my thoughts and His ways are not my ways, they are too high for me.

I think she will see the face of Jesus soon. I wonder how I can help her to go out with joy and be lead forth in peace...

I bring her our newborn kittens. She loves kittens. All animals, really. Anything she can love on, really.

I fill her bed full with all five of them, and mama cat has to join in every so often to make sure they are all right.

Evidence of our God who loves newness, loves soft things, created the peaceful purr we enjoy. I take pictures and show her so she can see them better, more closely.

Grandmom smiles. It's a fleeting smile on her face, but lingers in her eyes. Her hands gently sweep over the soft fluff that is crawling all over her.

She jokes "if I had know we were gonna have a photo session I'd have brushed my hair...".

I smile back and look her full in those blue eyes, a couple generations older and a few shades lighter than mine "oh Grandmom, you are beautiful!!"

Her shell can not hide her real beauty, the Him in her. We are all shells.

"You don't have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body."
~C.S. Lewis

"We are all tired and gonna take a nap now" she says. They rest.

I am giving thanks today not because I feel like it, but because He is so worthy of all honor and glory and praise at all times.

I believe, therefore I speak...

Giving thanks today for clay jars, other temporary things, and the unseen eternal glory that far outweighs them all...

#26 Straws

#27 Four generations living in the same home

#28 Ibuprofen and sportarub salve

#30 Today with Grandmom

#31 Today with my girls, husband, family

#32 kittens and a sweet, patient mama cat

#33 wheelchairs

#34 that He knows I am a child, that I do not understand, and He never tires of my questions

"For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ.

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.

It is written: “I believed; therefore I have spoken.” With that same spirit of faith we also believe and therefore speak, because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you in his presence. All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

~2 Corinthians 6:4-18

holy experience

1 comment:

Amanda said...

Just found your blog. You are a beautiful writer! I said a prayer for your Grandmom. What a blessing those kittens must have been to her that day. Praise God for our daily renewing!

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