To Vaccinate or Not to Vaccinate... That is the Question

A very, very hot topic question.

Why? Because everyone loves and wants what is best for their child(ren).

I could get super complex with this touchy issue, but let me just state my position simply.

I chose not to vaccinate my children. From my viewpoint, I have no reason to, and a lot of reasons not to. I homeschool. My children have not/will not go to daycare. Etc., etc., etc.

I don't judge you or think you are a terrible person if you do vaccinate your kids, could you please extend the same courtesy to me for choosing not to?

Most of my closest friends vaccinate their children. We disagree. We still love, and like, each other.

While I would not use all of the language used in some of these articles/websites, I think there is excellent information here to consider:

http://www.whale.to/vaccines/mendelsohn.html

***edited to add: click here to read some information on Dr. Robert Mendelsohn(author of the article of the first link I have provided). I acknowledge this study is from 1984. I still place a lot of weight in his conclusions because I have not yet seen medical information that disqualifies or out-dates his findings.***

http://www.nvic.org/

As a woman who has had an abortion at Planned Parenthood when I was 18 years old(and deeply regret that decision), I have followed abortion issues closely since then. The extent of the abortion industry was brought to my attention through my training to become a counselor at my local Crisis Pregnancy Center. I counseled weekly for two years, and experience and personal testimonies confirmed many of the unfortunate, and downright ugly, things I had read or heard about.

Why am I talking about abortion and vaccines? Aborted fetal tissue is what many of the common vaccines use as their original source for diseased tissue.

Others use chickens, rabbits, monkeys, and cows.

Here is a link to a list of ingredients in vaccines(read where it says :Animal ByProducts):

http://www.informedchoice.info/cocktail.html

Also:

http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2008/01/02/dead-baby-parts-business-booming.aspx

There is so much more. I am sure this is more than enough to absorb and think about for a "first pass" though.

Please feel free to share your thoughts, opinions, information and perspectives you value, with me!

"As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."

~Proverbs 27:17

Not always comfortable... but good! I look forward to being sharpened by your love for me and the Truth!

This was written with prayers, deep love, and respect, for you.

What Fills Up the Empty

There is a desert place where emotions barely stir in dry, stagnant emptiness.

This howling wasteland was found on the other side of the high mountain places of my heart where storms rage freely, pouring out deep waters of expression, agony, joy and relief.

This is a stilled place, still enough to look around and recognize the empty. There is nothing as far as my eyes can see except for dust and ashes settling cold that make the space feel even more void and wanting.

Was this part of my soul always barren? Did these fearful questions I can't even whisper always swirl dry and aching just beyond the lush mountains?

He has lead me here, as he has before, to a place hot under my feet and painfully bright for my uncovered eyes, standing bare before the Son. Just me and Him.

Is my hope found in Him alone? Is He alone enough for me? Will I follow wherever He leads, trust whatever He decides? Do I trust Him with my children, husband, family? Do I believe that He is good, even when He allows pain, suffering, death?

It is not a fear of my own death, but rather a painfully fresh recognition of how much I have, and how much I could possibly lose.

I think about Audrey Caroline's story and my children, I think about how both my father's parents are now home with Christ, and that unless untimely death happens, he and my mom are in the next generation to leave this world.

I think about this too:

"Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me;"

~Matthew 10:37

I want to be worthy of Him. I want His perfect love to cast out this fear of loss, of emptiness.

I can not hold onto the people I want to cling to, naked I came into the world, and naked I will leave it. What good will worrying do? I know that worrying will not even add a single hour to anyone's life.

But still fear grips my throat. It aches in my gut. I wouldn't speak it out loud, but it's there.

I think about Job. What if I lost everything I hold dear in this life? Would I still love Him?

I think about other Bible stories. I know "righteousness" does not protect from horrible pain, suffering, death.

I think about Jesus.

I think about Jesus for a long time.

The One and Only who never sinned and yet suffered and died... why?

"When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed. For you were like sheep going astray, but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls."

~1 Peter 2:23-25

He says healing me was worth it. He says my return to Him was worth it.

I look around, over my shoulder. There is no one in this empty but me. Me. He means me.

I take off my sandals on this holy ground. Kneel and raise my hands, stretching high and fingers spread wide.

Were the whole realm of nature mine,
That were a present far too small;
Love so amazing, so divine,
Demands my soul, my life, my all...

In all this empty, there is nothing to interfere with the praise He is so worthy of.

The Lord who inhabits the praises of His people fills all my empty.

In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm

What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand

In Christ alone, who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless Babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save

'Til on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live

There in the ground His body lay,
Light of the world by darkness slain.
Then bursting forth in glorious Day,
Up from the grave He rose again.

And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ

No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From a life's first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny

No power of hell, no scheme of man
Could ever pluck me from His hand
'Til He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I stand.

Counting thanks today for the fullness of His grace, goodness, and mercy...

#83 That the husband was given bereavement leave from work this week

#84 the whole family will be able to attend Grandmom's funeral

#85 that I have a dear friend who is covering work for me so I can have the entire day for family time

#86 we all have peace knowing she is with Him

#87 smiles and hugs from my children

#88 crazy cats that bring laughter, easing the ache in the air

#89 that He grants sleep as a gift of love

#90 25 years with Grandmom

#91 Being blessed to have her in our home in her last days, being able to sit and hold her hand

#92 Aunt Carmen

#93 Dad

#94 Mom

#95 Jesus

#96 the gift that praise and thanks is to me

Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good;

his love endures forever.

Let the redeemed of the LORD say this—

those he redeemed from the hand of the foe,

those he gathered from the lands,

from east and west, from north and south.

Some wandered in desert wastelands,

finding no way to a city where they could settle.

They were hungry and thirsty,

and their lives ebbed away.

Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble,

and he delivered them from their distress...

He sent forth his word and healed them;

he rescued them from the grave.

Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love

and his wonderful deeds for men.

Let them sacrifice thank offerings

and tell of his works with songs of joy.

~from Psalm 107

Homesick

I was just a few hours into my workday, most of the bridesmaids makeup was done, hairstyling would be done after a quick lunch. I checked my phone to see the time, see if I was at good breaking point.

The text messages knocked me numb "I'm so sorry for your loss...".

Grandmom entered the presence of the Lord today.

I had heard her breathing before I left. I didn't know any details, and I knew if I called home and asked for them I wouldn't be able to keep myself from crying my way through the remaining 7 hours I had to work.

I took my lunch break, couldn't eat. Tried not to think about it. Went back to work.

I could finally cry when I got home. My five year old brought me tissues. "I'm sorry you're sad about great Maw-Maw..." she comforted with a hug.

I hugged Selah back. "I know this may be confusing, but I'm actually happy for great Maw-Maw, because she's in heaven with Jesus." Tears of relief fell hot and fast, her suffering was finally over. The fight with her final enemy was over. She had finished the race she had run so well, so long, she was so strong. She did not run aimlessly, and has received a crown that will last forever.

No more bed sores. No more pain. No more weak bones. No more hearing problems. No more frustrated spirit trapped in an old body.

These last few days I was able to sit and hold hands with her, read Psalms to her, sing over her.

I sang "Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so... Amazing Grace how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me... when we've been there ten thousand years, bright shining as the sun, we've no less days, to sing God's praise, then when we'd first begun... when I survey the wondrous cross, on which the Prince of glory died, my richest gain I count but loss, and pour contempt on all my pride... oh the wonderful cross, oh the wonderful cross, bids me come and die, and find that I, may truly live... may the Lord bless you and keep you, the Lord make His face shine upon you, and give you peace, and give you peace, and give you peace forever..."

I love my sweet Grandmom. We'll sing together someday. Holy, holy, holy, is the Lord God Almighty...

Last week was one of the last times we were able to communicate, before she became too weak to talk. Before I went to work I went in her room to tell her I loved her. I had leaned in close, looked into her beautiful blue eyes, " I've got to go to work Grandmom, but I'll see you when I get home, I love you!"

She had gently breathed out "love you, too."

I think the same thing now. She is home. Our citizenship is in heaven. Our righteous and faithful Most High God has said her time here is complete, and mine is not yet done. I am still a harvest worker. Here am I Lord, send me!

"I've got to go to work Grandmom... but I'll see you when I get home, I love you!"

Now we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked. For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. Now it is God who has made us for this very purpose and has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.

Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord. We live by faith, not by sight. We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord. So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it.

2 Cor. 5:1-9

"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am."

John 14:1-3

"If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world."
— C.S. Lewis

Where is Jesus in this Suffering?

Finally, both children were asleep. Peace on their faces. No more needs, wants, questions to force myself to focus on and answer.

It swelled within me until at last I kneeled next to Selah's bed, clinging to the sturdy frame built by her loving Daddy. Forehead on hands, I silently bawled my eyes out in prayer.

Prayer to be a better mother. Prayer to be a better wife, daughter, person... Prayer about things in life I can't control.

A rushing, raging stream of confession of my neediness of Him. A fresh realization of the utter fragility and mortality of this life, these bodies.

How can I redeem these days of suffering?

Something in my spirit couldn't bear the weight anymore. The weight of all the suffering in this house. The suffering of my sweet Grandmom who struggles even to drink. The suffering of her children and my mother doing all they can, feeling it isn't enough....

So much of it is silent. It is a raw silence.

I feel it, see it.

I have never lived with someone who was suffering like this... dying... before. I have always known death at a distance. Even though my Grandpa stayed with us much of time before he passed, it wasn't like this. The shadow of death holds a whole new meaning for me now.

Oh loving Father, ease this suffering that squeezes breath and smiles from this home.

I try to bring the Baby to say hello to Grandmom often. She loves seeing Alexa, one of her five great-grandbabies. Something about cute, chubby trouble that can't help but make you smile. But the smiles are mostly only mouth, not quite making it to her eyes.

My mom, her main care-taker, bears the most of it I think. She is always thinking, researching, trying new ways to ease Grandmom's pain. She often told me before(and after) labor with my children that she wished she could go through it rather than me. She said she would rather be the one in pain than seeing someone she loved suffer, that that was harder for her, not being able to alleviate the pain. As a woman who has had nine home-births, she doesn't underestimate the pain, she just loves so deeply she'd gladly be the one to bear it.

She reminds me of Jesus in that way. She has been reminding me of Jesus a lot lately.

The other day she was gently kneeling in front of Grandmom, patiently dressing her. She loves her, one of her own in the world, and she has been showing the full extent of her love. She was the hands of Jesus Who washes feet. And I saw Him there so strong in the midst of weakness. He whose feet she was washing. One of the precious sick, thirsty, hungry, helpless least of these. Jesus. In both, with both, Emmanuel.

It was a scene I'll not soon forget.

And in all this suffering, my blindness was crushed.

He is both the humble, willing Servant and the One served.

He is here, so very present in this suffering. The beautiful fragrance of His love overpowers the shadow of death. His strength sustains them both.

Sustains us all. All the time. He himself gives all men life and breath and everything else. Why do I regularly forget this and fall into narcissistic blindness?

This suffering crushes pride.

It crushes the walls around my expression of love for Grandmom, for other family members... for mom.

I really hugged mom for the first time in a long time last night. I didn't realize it had been so long until afterward.

It crushes all the facades of my questions, and exposes what is really in my heart.

It crushes unwillingness to ask for help.

It crushes half-hearted prayer.

It crushes so much that I am unaware of that is self-separation from Him.

But He never separates from us.

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,

neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth,

nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God

that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

~Romans 8:37-39

Therefore, since Christ suffered in his body, arm yourselves also with the same attitude, because he who has suffered in his body is done with sin. As a result, he does not live the rest of his earthly life for evil human desires, but rather for the will of God.

Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.

~1 Peter 4:1-2, 1 Peter 5:6-11

Selah

She holds the tiny baby wrapped in soft pink felt and asks to hear to the story again. How her story began.

How do I tell her I almost killed her?

How can I explain why I didn't?

I wrap my arms around her and pull her close. My five year old bundle of joy and life that almost wasn't.

I can't say I already had the appointment scheduled at the same place I had paid for her sibling to be aborted the year before.

I can't say I did drugs to try to make myself go through with it.

I can't say I tried to commit suicide and longed for my own death before ending the life of (another) baby growing inside me.

We snuggle and she wriggles with excitement. She stares, stares, stares at the baby doll in her palm.

"Well..." I breath in deep, those memories, those years. I feel the pain throbbing behind my scarred heart.

"But this is a joyful story" He whispers. I take His offered hand, we walk back to that dominion of darkness that He rescued me from together. His light keeps me from being overwhelmed.

She needs to know He alone can rescue. She needs to hear this story. He knew it would be her story.

She tries to wait patiently for the few moments it takes me begin. She grins from ear to ear and covers her hand with her mouth to try to hide her overflowing excitement. She is about to burst with joy.

I try not to burst into tears.

I smile into her glowing face "I love you so much!"

She wriggles closer, waiting. Hand over grin.

"Well... this baby doll reminds me of what God did in my life through you."

She can barely take it. I'm not talking fast enough for her. But my mind is rushing and my tongue is thick and slow and I have to take every thought captive and stay here and not go back there and remember that I am a new creation in Him.

Him.

My history is His story. Not mine. He is the Main Character. It is His Story Box.

I can continue now. "... Before I had you, I didn't love or follow God." My tender eyes meet her wide ones. Her face says: does mom really mean that? Could that be true?

"... I did a lot of really bad things. But Jesus still loved me. He loved me so much, He gave me you..."

I had begged God to show me His realness. To stop me from destroying myself and every good thing that came my way. To hold me. To love me. Selah is the first good thing that survived me in a long time. He answered my prayers, but in a way I did not expect.

O LORD, the king rejoices in your strength.

How great is his joy in the victories you give!

You have granted him the desire of his heart

and have not withheld the request of his lips.

Selah

You welcomed him with rich blessings

and placed a crown of pure gold on his head.

He asked you for life, and you gave it to him—

length of days, for ever and ever.

Psalm 21:1-4

She smiles unashamedly. She knows that of course she is a blessing. I have said it a thousand times.

"... God taught me all about love through you. He changed my life, and your Daddy's life, and lots of people in the family, and He helped save other peoples lives through you like Connor and Iliana..."

The names of my god-children bring a fresh wave of smiles. They are her dear friends. God saved them from a similar fate.

"...God has very, very special plans for you!"

She holds the baby. I hold mine, growing into a young woman, babyness long left behind. My arms overflow with His reward. We smile.

This is His story. He rescues. He redeems. He rewards. He loves. Oh, how He loves.

Praise the LORD, O my soul;

all my inmost being, praise his holy name.

Praise the LORD, O my soul,

and forget not all his benefits—

who forgives all your sins

and heals all your diseases,

who redeems your life from the pit

and crowns you with love and compassion,

who satisfies your desires with good things

so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

~Psalm 103:1-5

Counting thanks today... overwhelmed by Grace...

#58 Selah

#59 That He forgives all my sins

#60 That He heals all my diseases

#61 That He redeemed my life from the pit

#62 That He crowned me with love and compassion

#63 That He satisfies my desires with good things

#64 That He would reward me after all I've done

#65 That He never leaves me or forsakes me

#66 That He remembers that I am dust

#67 That He promises His righteousness not only to my children, but also to their children

#68 second chances

#69 That He can create a new person out of an old one

#70 He makes beautiful things out of the dust

#71 That one lost lamb is worth His time

#72 He brings me home

Clay Jars and Kittens

Her cloudy eyes gaze at me, past me, lips try to curl into a smile. The smile is more a thought than actuality and even that seems to drain precious energy. She is far away from here. Here hurts so much.

It hurts her whose heart has always been to help others. Her whose strong arms had held so many babies, two of her own, twelve grandchildren, four great-grandchildren and countless others. Now I hold this glass for her, half filled with water and too heavy for her skeletal hand to steady. She sips from the straw. She thanks me, thanks me, thanks me.

I sit by her side and wish I had sat there more. I listen to her stories and feelings and thoughts and wish I had listened more. I make an unspoken commitment to sit and still more, listen more.

She has told me she is looking forward to what is ahead of her.

She is a shell of the Grandmom I've known. She is dying.

It hits me full in the face. Death is an ugly thing, an enemy. One that I am usually far-removed from. There are so many things I do not understand. His thoughts are not my thoughts and His ways are not my ways, they are too high for me.

I think she will see the face of Jesus soon. I wonder how I can help her to go out with joy and be lead forth in peace...

I bring her our newborn kittens. She loves kittens. All animals, really. Anything she can love on, really.

I fill her bed full with all five of them, and mama cat has to join in every so often to make sure they are all right.

Evidence of our God who loves newness, loves soft things, created the peaceful purr we enjoy. I take pictures and show her so she can see them better, more closely.

Grandmom smiles. It's a fleeting smile on her face, but lingers in her eyes. Her hands gently sweep over the soft fluff that is crawling all over her.

She jokes "if I had know we were gonna have a photo session I'd have brushed my hair...".

I smile back and look her full in those blue eyes, a couple generations older and a few shades lighter than mine "oh Grandmom, you are beautiful!!"

Her shell can not hide her real beauty, the Him in her. We are all shells.

"You don't have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body."

~C.S. Lewis

She is a beautiful clay jar that has stored up and poured out His glory in her life.

"We are all tired and gonna take a nap now" she says. They rest.

I am giving thanks today not because I feel like it, but because He is so worthy of all honor and glory and praise at all times.

I believe, therefore I speak...

Giving thanks today for clay jars, other temporary things, and the unseen eternal glory that far outweighs them all...

#25 A Mom, Dad, Aunt who model pure religion by taking care of a widow in her distress

#26 Straws

#27 Four generations living in the same home

#28 Ibuprofen and sportarub salve

#29 Gray hair that is a crown of glory, attained by living a godly life

#30 Today with Grandmom

#31 Today with my girls, husband, family

#32 kittens and a sweet, patient mama cat

#33 wheelchairs

#34 that He knows I am a child, that I do not understand, and He never tires of my questions

#35 Knowing Him, real eternal life

"For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ.

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.

It is written: “I believed; therefore I have spoken.” With that same spirit of faith we also believe and therefore speak, because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you in his presence. All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

~2 Corinthians 6:4-18

When Your Best Doesn't Seem to be Good Enough

Sometimes crying is necessary to maintain sanity.

Little Girl keeps talking. She is totally oblivious to the waves beating me from the inside trying to find their way out through my eyes.

It's hard to respond to her, but I'm trying. The building pressure aches in my throat and chest. Baby cries and clings to my shirt every time I try to set her down.

Sometimes a moment alone isn't realistic.

I choose to take my thoughts captive to Christ. Every one. Helplessness, hopelessness, self-deprecation and twisted truth try to fester and multiply and spread through my weary bones.

How can I make it through this day? This hour? This moment??

Truth speaks.

"The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."

~Deuteronomy 31:8

How beautiful that He speaks to me from Deuteronomy. It was Deuteronomy that Jesus quoted all three times to refute the devil's temptations when he was in the desert.

The breath of His mouth, His Word that runs swiftly, heals me and silences the Deceiver.

I am not alone. I will not be discouraged. His power is made perfect in my weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

He is more than enough for me.

Jehovah Jireh

My Provider

His grace is sufficient

For me, for me, for me

Jehovah Jireh

My Provider

His grace is sufficient for me

My God shall supply all my needs

According to His riches in glory

He will give His angels

Charge over me

Jehovah Jireh cares

For me, for me, for me

Jehovah Jireh cares for me.

Missing Home: When a Loved One is Overwhelmed

Tears drown words. They choke out in an ocean deep. I ache in helpless feeling empathy. These waves are so high. The skyline is lost and the NOW is all that can be seen, felt, struggled with. I feel so far away on this shore and pray with outstretched hands "if she must be consumed, Lord let it be with You."

"Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls;

all your waves and breakers have swept over me."

~Psalm 42:7

With all my strength I throw out the Life Saver. I remember when I was rescued from a similar storm. I shout to her soul of His faithfulness. It is right that endings are painful, it makes sense that we grieve them. "We are eternal beings with temporary vision."

We are eternal beings. We are designed for happily ever after. And we will have it! But it is not now. And now is so hard.

I hug her through prayer. I know Jesus' arms can reach her. He gives the best hug because He doesn't let go. There is no awkward length in hugging Him. The Love of her life holds her in the embrace that never has to end. There is such relief of being held by Him with whom there is no ending! Ever.

"It is so important to speak truth more often than you say anything else..." our spirits respond to the words that come out of our mouths.

"I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.

Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD."

~ Psalm 27:13-14

"Surely God is my help; the LORD is the one who sustains me."

~Psalm 54:4

"But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things."

~Philippians 3:7-8

"if anyone speaks, he should do it as speaking the very words of God."

~1 Peter 4:11

"Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. "

~Psalm 42:5-6

She breathes in His breath and is calmed. He is certainty. He is hope. He is unchanging. He is her future.

I ask when she can come home, we all love her so much here. Soon, hopefully. I know that even when she does, the ache will not completely go away, but we will do our best to comfort.

"Our citizenship is in heaven."

~Philippians 3:20.

That is the Home all of our longings point toward. This is one of those days we just miss Home!

Now we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked. For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. Now it is God who has made us for this very purpose and has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.

Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord. We live by faith, not by sight. We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord. So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it.

~2 Corinthians 5:1-9

Vision blurs. Tears are cleansing and not to be held back.

Be Thou my vision, oh Lord of my heart
Nought be all else to me, save that Thou art
Thou my best thought by day or by night
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light

Be Thou my wisdom, and Thou my true word
I ever with Thee and Thou with me Lord
Thou my great Father and I Thy true son
Thou in me dwelling and I with Thee one

Riches I need not, nor man's empty praise
Thou mine inheritance now and always
Thou and Thou only first in my heart
High king of heaven my treasure Thou art

Be Thou my vision, oh Lord of my heart
Nought be all else to me, save that Thou art
Thou my best thought by day or by night
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light

High king of heaven, my victory won
May I reach heaven's joy, bright heaven sun
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall
Still be my vision, oh ruler of all

Still be my vision, oh ruler of all.