Tuesday, March 1, 2011

If You Become Winded Easily

I watch her mouth move and don't understand how sound can come out so long uninterrupted by breath.

I am amazed at how many times Little Girl can repeat a sentence before I can even open my mouth to reply. If I didn't feel verbally assaulted, I'd be very impressed.

I remind myself to not raise my voice, stop the knee-jerk tone that squashes her spirit.

His Spirit nudges out a frustration-soothing smile at the astounding hypocrisy of how often I am eye-twitching tempted to scream at the top of my lungs "be PATIENT!!!"

Is it even 10 a.m.?

Lord, help us.

I consider eating the remaining (10) cookies stacked neatly on the serving tray, giving in and putting on an educational video instead of sticking to our normal school schedule, and skipping my mid-day quiet time to nap with the baby.

I recognize that I am tired. Tired of constantly swimming upstream. I'm out of breath and it's only mid-morning. How will I ever finish this race today well? As a masterpiece? Lived like it's the last day of my life since I know tomorrow is not guaranteed? It'd be so easy to just float down river and stop this exercise of perseverance. Even the word perseverance makes me tired.

I place hands on knees and try to regain my breath by prayers to fight discouragement, fight laziness, fight self-centeredness.

Why am I so easily winded today, Lord?

He fills lungs every moment, this breath, and He refreshes my hope-muscles with His truth, this truth:

"throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles..."
~Hebrews 12:1

I think about the cookies. No, eating them is not a sin, but will they slow me in this race today? Will they make my body-temple weaker? Will they fog up my mind and my ambition to pray for the things He brings across my path?

How does the educational video fit into the strict training I am striving for so I can have a crown that lasts? No, not a sin, but what choices am I making that hinder my progress?

What do I need to throw off?

Am I extra-tired because I stayed up too late last night, didn't move my weary bones from my media entertainment and force myself to much-needed bed? Now I am tempted to just prayer-text Jesus that I'll meet with Him tomorrow, and crash into unconsciousness.

I argue that sleep is good and necessary... but am I more likely to go to bed on time if I push through this wall of windedness?

What would I do in a race? Since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, I would never quit. My competitiveness would kick in, and I would focus my strength on the race marked out for me.

Please teach me Lord, how to run with perseverance.

"Fix your eyes on Jesus... Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lost heart..."

I consider him who endured such opposition from this sinner. The God of second-chance who gives second-wind.

I throw off old-thoughts, heavy things only He can carry, yesterday, tomorrow, next hour, and for this moment... I run.

Some songs I listened to while running today:

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