When I think about our sponsor children, or about sponsoring another child...
When I think about the endless, desperate, very real need...
I become overwhelmed and I want to shut down.
This entire world is needy. Everyone I know is needy. I am needy.
You are the Only One who doesn't need anything. You are the Only One who knows how to give everything.
I am confused in my heart and mind about how and when and where and how much to give...
I am trying to understand and follow Your law thoroughly because I have thoroughly tested Your promises in it and I have found it ALL good... and You say if I want to sum up the law and the prophets that I should do unto others as I would have them do to me.
I know if I were to see these children so desperate for love and truly hungry, I would eat less, and give more.
I'd even give them some of my own kid's food.
I just know I couldn't stomach seconds or thirds when big eyes and growling, bloated tummies were in front of my face.
I could conserve more. I could share more.
But Your word also says there are things worth celebrating with not-every-day extravagance. Like remembering what You've done for us. Like when someone turns to You and loves You and follows You.
And You say there will always be poor people, and that whatever I don't do for the least of them, that it is actually YOU I have neglected.
It's hard for me to not measure the cost of things I might buy against what it would cost someone else.
I could buy that $5 candle to decorate my room, and it would bring in beauty and light to my bare space.
Or I could give that $5 to bring Beauty and Light to help a child survive, to provide clean water, to sponsor a child, or to help fund someone to develop leadership skills.
Or I could spend that $5 on gas to go visit a loved one here and bring some kind of relief to a whole different kind of desperate need and hunger that is rampant here.
I can only spend that money one way. And I have a very limited amount of money. I feel my wisdom amounts to even less.
Please fill me with Your wisdom, as You promise. Be generous with me so I can be wise in being generous with others.
I am going to spend money today, or consume or use things that cost money, so please help me to spend/use/consume what You've given me wisely.
Help me to invest where there will be return. Help me to value unseen, eternal things.
If You tell me to sponsor more children, I will.
Help me to BE. STILL.... And remember Who You are... and who I was and who I am because of You and what the purpose of my vapor-temporary life is.
Please help me to not be drowned in guilt or yesterday's bad decisions but to open my hands to You with all my resources and let You distribute them.
All I have is Yours. Every single breath.
Every single cent.
I open my hands.
I am listening.