I walk up the stairs heavy, feet dragging the wounded heart to bed.
Tomorrow is going to be a failure, too.
I lay down in all the pressing dark that won't even allow tears to come, the ache dammed up inside.
I just want to give up. I just want to quit.
This despair has been loud and constant. I fight against the choking with flabby, failing strength.
I groan myself over to my side, pull up the soft comforter around all that's cutting deep. I whisper cry out to the One strong enough to give Himself up, Who allowed Himself pierced because He loves. What manner of love is this? You are my strength when I am weak. When I am weak, You show Yourself strong. Please be my strength, I am at the end of me.
And the questions pound in the dark and again when I wake and as I cook and clean and correct and school under all this weight crushing me into a spirit-breaking mold : Do I really want this? This daily, daily, daily cross bearing? Do I really want to follow?
I could walk away.
I could walk away.
I could walk away.
I turn and face the Evil One that has bored into my heart with poisonous drip that suggests, suggests, suggests the ending of this hour, this day, this struggle, this relationship, my life.
I speak the truth that sets me free: You lie.
You are a liar. Accuser. Deceiver. There is no truth in you.
I know Who I have trusted and He is faithful.
I know where the path to the place of crucifixion leads: to the feet of my Love whose wounds heal my diseases of apathy, self-pity, self-brutality. His stripes strike down the time-miser in me. I know the power of the resurrection. I know that same Spirit lives in me and burns
Joy deeper than the deepest dross and I know the future He has for me.
He will come for me. He will take me home, a place He personally prepared especially for me, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.
We live happily ever after. That's the end of my story.
That is my story now.
Truth rescues me.
*If you'd like to see the other days of this 31 Day series, you can click here. Thank you for being a witness to His love and faithfulness in my life.*
