Homesick

I was just a few hours into my workday, most of the bridesmaids makeup was done, hairstyling would be done after a quick lunch. I checked my phone to see the time, see if I was at good breaking point.

The text messages knocked me numb "I'm so sorry for your loss...".

Grandmom entered the presence of the Lord today.

I had heard her breathing before I left. I didn't know any details, and I knew if I called home and asked for them I wouldn't be able to keep myself from crying my way through the remaining 7 hours I had to work.

I took my lunch break, couldn't eat. Tried not to think about it. Went back to work.

I could finally cry when I got home. My five year old brought me tissues. "I'm sorry you're sad about great Maw-Maw..." she comforted with a hug.

I hugged Selah back. "I know this may be confusing, but I'm actually happy for great Maw-Maw, because she's in heaven with Jesus." Tears of relief fell hot and fast, her suffering was finally over. The fight with her final enemy was over. She had finished the race she had run so well, so long, she was so strong. She did not run aimlessly, and has received a crown that will last forever.

No more bed sores. No more pain. No more weak bones. No more hearing problems. No more frustrated spirit trapped in an old body.

These last few days I was able to sit and hold hands with her, read Psalms to her, sing over her.

I sang "Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so... Amazing Grace how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me... when we've been there ten thousand years, bright shining as the sun, we've no less days, to sing God's praise, then when we'd first begun... when I survey the wondrous cross, on which the Prince of glory died, my richest gain I count but loss, and pour contempt on all my pride... oh the wonderful cross, oh the wonderful cross, bids me come and die, and find that I, may truly live... may the Lord bless you and keep you, the Lord make His face shine upon you, and give you peace, and give you peace, and give you peace forever..."

I love my sweet Grandmom. We'll sing together someday. Holy, holy, holy, is the Lord God Almighty...

Last week was one of the last times we were able to communicate, before she became too weak to talk. Before I went to work I went in her room to tell her I loved her. I had leaned in close, looked into her beautiful blue eyes, " I've got to go to work Grandmom, but I'll see you when I get home, I love you!"

She had gently breathed out "love you, too."

I think the same thing now. She is home. Our citizenship is in heaven. Our righteous and faithful Most High God has said her time here is complete, and mine is not yet done. I am still a harvest worker. Here am I Lord, send me!

"I've got to go to work Grandmom... but I'll see you when I get home, I love you!"

Now we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked. For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. Now it is God who has made us for this very purpose and has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.

Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord. We live by faith, not by sight. We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord. So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it.

2 Cor. 5:1-9

"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am."

John 14:1-3

"If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world."
— C.S. Lewis