If You are Tempted to Cut Corners on Your Taxes

God's timing is so... interesting.

I am just about to do our taxes(I'm cutting it close, I know), and what does He talk to me about? Taxes.

He blows me away how practical He is. I am amazed at Him.

Let me just say, I really don't like doing taxes. I am self-employed and there are so many details I have to account for that it is usually a very tedious process even though I try to have all the needed information from the previous year collected in an easy-to-use way.

It is easy for me to want to cut corners. Not because I want to be dishonest or cheat our responsible government out of money, but because all the numbers make my head hurt.

It's not that it's so bad. I'm just kinda a baby about it. I don't like it. I don't want to do it.

But I want everything I do to be for the glory of God... that certainly includes this annual financial responsibility.

So here is the conversation about it (from my journal March 29th, 2011):
*Scriptures read follow, conversation portions highlighted*

LORD, I hear You saying...

Many have tried to catch Me in My words. No plan can succeed against Me. I perceive every thought from afar, and before a word is even formed on your tongue, I know it completely.
I know hypocrisy and evil intent. I see through duplicity.
The authorities are my servants, agents of My wrath. If you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then revenue; if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor. Blessed are you when you keep My law.
Do not be afraid of man, when you trust in Me you are kept safe.
Many seek an audience with a ruler, but it is from Me that you get justice.

LORD, hear me saying...

Thank You for this reminder during tax time. Please help me to do my taxes honestly and thoroughly, above and beyond reproach and free from accusation. Especially since I am self-employed, especially since I profess You. I want to do this for Your glory, remembering what You have done for me. Please help me to seek an audience with You when I want justice. I am thankful for the gifts You give, it all belongs to You!




Mark 12:13-17

"Later they sent some of the Pharisees and Herodians to Jesus to catch him in his words.They came to him and said, “Teacher, we know you are a man of integrity. You aren’t swayed by men, because you pay no attention to who they are; but you teach the way of God in accordance with the truth. Is it right to pay taxes to Caesar or not? Should we pay or shouldn’t we?”

But Jesus knew their hypocrisy. “Why are you trying to trap me?” he asked. “Bring me a denarius and let me look at it.” They brought the coin, and he asked them, “Whose portrait is this? And whose inscription?”

“Caesar’s,” they replied.

Then Jesus said to them, “Give to Caesar what is Caesar’s and to God what is God’s.”

And they were amazed at him."

Matthew 22:15-22

"Then the Pharisees went out and laid plans to trap him in his words.They sent their disciples to him along with the Herodians. “Teacher,” they said, “we know you are a man of integrity and that you teach the way of God in accordance with the truth. You aren’t swayed by men, because you pay no attention to who they are. Tell us then, what is your opinion? Is it right to pay taxes to Caesar or not?”

But Jesus, knowing their evil intent, said, “You hypocrites, why are you trying to trap me? Show me the coin used for paying the tax.” They brought him a denarius, and he asked them, “Whose portrait is this? And whose inscription?”

“Caesar’s,” they replied.

Then he said to them, “Give to Caesar what is Caesar’s, and to God what is God’s.”

When they heard this, they were amazed. So they left him and went away."

Luke 20:20-26

"Keeping a close watch on him, they sent spies, who pretended to be honest. They hoped to catch Jesus in something he said so that they might hand him over to the power and authority of the governor. So the spies questioned him: “Teacher, we know that you speak and teach what is right, and that you do not show partiality but teach the way of God in accordance with the truth. Is it right for us to pay taxes to Caesar or not?”

He saw through their duplicity and said to them, “Show me a denarius. Whose portrait and inscription are on it?”

“Caesar’s,” they replied.

He said to them, “Then give to Caesar what is Caesar’s, and to God what is God’s.”

They were unable to trap him in what he had said there in public. And astonished by his answer, they became silent.

Proverbs 29

1A man who remains stiff-necked after many rebukes

will suddenly be destroyed—without remedy.

2When the righteous thrive, the people rejoice;

when the wicked rule, the people groan.

3A man who loves wisdom brings joy to his father,

but a companion of prostitutes squanders his wealth.

4By justice a king gives a country stability,

but one who is greedy for bribes tears it down.

5Whoever flatters his neighbor

is spreading a net for his feet.

6An evil man is snared by his own sin,

but a righteous one can sing and be glad.

7The righteous care about justice for the poor,

but the wicked have no such concern.

8Mockers stir up a city,

but wise men turn away anger.

9If a wise man goes to court with a fool,

the fool rages and scoffs, and there is no peace.

10Bloodthirsty men hate a man of integrity

and seek to kill the upright.

11A fool gives full vent to his anger,

but a wise man keeps himself under control.

12If a ruler listens to lies,

all his officials become wicked.

13The poor man and the oppressor have this in common:

The Lord gives sight to the eyes of both.

14If a king judges the poor with fairness,

his throne will always be secure.

15The rod of correction imparts wisdom,

but a child left to himself disgraces his mother.

16When the wicked thrive, so does sin,

but the righteous will see their downfall.

17Discipline your son, and he will give you peace;

he will bring delight to your soul.

18Where there is no revelation, the people cast off restraint;

but blessed is he who keeps the law.

19A servant cannot be corrected by mere words;

though he understands, he will not respond.

20Do you see a man who speaks in haste?

There is more hope for a fool than for him.

21If a man pampers his servant from youth,

he will bring grief^a in the end.

22An angry man stirs up dissension,

and a hot-tempered one commits many sins.

23A man’s pride brings him low,

but a man of lowly spirit gains honor.

24The accomplice of a thief is his own enemy;

he is put under oath and dare not testify.

25Fear of man will prove to be a snare,

but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe.

26Many seek an audience with a ruler,

but it is from the Lord that man gets justice.

27The righteous detest the dishonest;

the wicked detest the upright.

	"But now he has reconciled you by Christ's physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation--" NIV Col. 1.22

"he has now reconciled in his body of flesh by his death, in order to present you holy and blameless and above reproach before him," ESV Col. 1.22

1Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. 2Consequently, he who rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves. 3For rulers hold no terror for those who do right, but for those who do wrong. Do you want to be free from fear of the one in authority? Then do what is right and he will commend you. 4For he is God’s servant to do you good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword for nothing. He is God’s servant, an agent of wrath to bring punishment on the wrongdoer. 5Therefore, it is necessary to submit to the authorities, not only because of possible punishment but also because of conscience.

6This is also why you pay taxes, for the authorities are God’s servants, who give their full time to governing. 7Give everyone what you owe him: If you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then revenue; if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor.

~Romans 13:1-7

"There is no wisdom, no insight, no plan that can succeed against the LORD." ~Prov. 21:30 1O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. 2You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. 3You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. 4Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord. ~Psalm 139:1-4 "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." ~1 Cor. 10:31 "To the LORD your God belong the heavens, even the highest heavens, the earth and everything in it." ~Duet. 10:14

Definitely a Plus Sign

I. Am. Thrilled!!!!!

Looks like we'll have a new little one for a Christmas present!

Selah's reaction? Bouncing off the walls excited. Immediate declarations of all the things she is going to do for the new baby... embroider a blanket... make pictures... string a necklace.

And she said she wanted to be there for the birth so she would be the first person the baby saw.

That's not gonna happen.

Alexa doesn't have a clue, she is just feeding off of Selah's energy.

And Jason? Typical Jason. Completely expected. And to be fair, I have been telling him for weeks now that I was sure I was pregnant... and coming up with negative tests. Like, six of them.

His first responses as he lounged in bed this morning were along the lines of "are you sure?..." and once I showed him the tests ect. he moved on to things like "we are going to need a bigger house..." and he smile/groaned(as Selah was literally bounding around the house screaming in a pitch only little children can screech out) "I don't know if I can take much more of this..."

Selah stopped screaming long enough to jump in the conversation as she and the baby bounced up and down on his back: "oh, you can Daddy! Much, much more! You have room for lots more kids on your back! Like, 20, or somethin'!"

His final responses before leaving for work were the bear hugs and talking to the "new peanut" in my womb and saying "congratulations Mrs. Hurd" and lots of competitive things about my equally-competitive brother and his wife(who also just found out they are expecting) like "poor Jeremy, he just doesn't stand a chance."

One of my favorite things he smiles at me often is something he's heard from my Dad and now claims as his own "I'm working on my retirement plan."

Thanks for all the love and congratulations!

Curing Spiritual ADHD

There are so many things in life that contribute to spiritual ADHD. So much busyness. So much pressure, ambitions, goals, desires. So many good things, media things, communication things, relationship things, fun things, necessary things.

Who has time to stop all the rushing-deficit-disorder and focus long on the One who gives real focus?

What's more, how does one even begin to focus?

To train the mind so accustomed to inattentiveness and impulsivity?

And what is the harm, really, to the distracted soul?

"To focus our minds on the human nature leads to death, but to focus our minds on the Spirit leads to life and peace."

~Romans 8:6

When we get a glimpse of God, we fall flat on our face. A full-out hard-stop. He becomes our focus when we see Him.

Giving thanks is how we enter His courts, His ever-unlocked gates. It is a way of being ushered into the presence of the Omnipresent God, the ever-Present who is everywhere.

I write this numbered list out in snap-shot style, but a mural painting would do His heart-gifts more justice, would better show the slowing happening in the eye of this life's storm.

He stands with me there in the middle of the roaring and helps me to focus on what would otherwise simply be ripped up in the rushing wind, blown away.

Taking daily doses of thanks to focus on the ever-present gift of Him ... focusing on the Spirit for the sake of very life and peace...

#349 organic coconut oil

#350 dental floss

#351 that Little Girl loves talking to me, telling me stories, when she laughs at her own "jokes"

#352 Baby starting to giggle-laugh at things people say and do--recognizing "funny" moments and/or feeding off others reactions to situations

#353 the way Baby meows like a cat in a super-falsetto voice

#354 Husband's unhurried embrace

#355 salted, soaked and slow-dried pecans, walnuts

#356 I wake again, because the LORD sustains me

#357 work provided, babysitting provided

#358 the bottom of Little Girl's stick horse in rough condition because it is "ridden" so much

#359 cool morning breeze, light stretching sleepy

#360 productive, peaceful hours before anyone else is awake

#361 bare feet pattering

#362 birds saying good morning to each other

#363 kefir, plain greek yogurt, nuts, almond butter, guacamole... my new "normal" snacks

#364 feeling worse and thinking about those who really know suffering, remembering what really frees from suffering

#364 bumgenius diaper sprayer

#365 efficient exercise that energizes, strengthens, comforts, and doesn't take all day...

NOTE : I am lovin' it more each time(though I am still so weak I only do 10-15 seconds of "super fast", and I am only doing 6 reps at this point)! If I did more than that, I'd be worthless for the rest of the day. Small steps.

#366 paying off debt

#367 friends who are real and raw about tough issues, who cling to Jesus for strength

#368 Sister love, Baby and Little Girl giggling themselves silly in the back seat

#369 beauty blooming in lowly places-ditches full of wildflowers

#370 buttercup bouquet

#371 a faint pink line

Because He has Given You Stones to Fight With

My sisters came back from their spring break trip, and through the oldest little one He tapped on my heart again.

Remember what I've done for you. Don't stop remembering.

She relayed to me a story of God-glory and grace, said she was now starting her own Jesus Story Box.

Her second grade class already loves it, begs to hear the stories! This sharing between generations the real things our real God has done for us.

She didn't know what God had been talking to me about... this need to regularly remember my stones of remembrance so I rightly praise, so I am encouraged, humbled, and awed. I also need to regularly remember what stones are not for.

So I decided to share what He spoke to me in our conversation time on March 16th.

Scriptures follow, conversation portions are highlighted!

LORD, I hear You saying...

When I tell you to go and do something for Me, I will take care of the details, of possible reactions, to make sure all happens as I have planned. I will tell you the words to say. It is right to joyfully praise God for the miracles you have seen. If you keep quiet, the stones will cry out. Your stones of remembrance can be witnesses against you if you are untrue to Me. They have heard all the words I have said to you, their presence bears witness to My words and all I have done.

I weep for you to know this day what brings you peace- recognize now is the time of My coming to you.

If you commit to Me whatever you do, your plans will succeed. I weigh your motives. I detest it if your heart is proud because pride goes before your destruction. It is better for you to be humble, lowly in spirit, and among the oppressed than to share plunder with the proud. You will be blessed if you trust in Me.

Don't simply do what seems right to you, be wise and listen to advice, so your way doesn't lead you to death.

LORD, hear me saying...

I give You the plans of my heart, I commit this day to You. Thank You that the reply of my tongue comes from You. I praise You that You work everything out for Your own ends-that You are completely in control. Help me to guard my way and avoid evil. How, LORD, should I guard my way?

LORD, I hear You saying...

Use the stones I have given you. They are to help you come against the armed giants you face. Come against them in the name of the LORD Almighty. YHWH. The battle is Mine. I save.

LORD, hear me saying...

Thank You for comforting me and reminding me that You also weep over foreseen destruction, over enemies encircling, hemming in, and dashing to the ground Your loved ones and their children. Help me to remember that NOW is the time of Your coming to me. Please help my loved ones to recognize this too. Please give us ears to hear.

Hosanna! You save.

Hosanna in the highest!

You. Save.

Scriptures Read:

Proverbs 16

¹ To humans belong the plans of the heart,
but from the LORD comes the reply of the tongue.

² All a person’s ways seem pure to them,
but motives are weighed by the LORD.

³ Commit to the LORD whatever you do,
and your plans will succeed.

⁴ The LORD works out everything for his own ends—
even the wicked for a day of disaster.

⁵ The LORD detests all the proud of heart.
Be sure of this: They will not go unpunished.

⁶ Through love and faithfulness sin is atoned for;
through the fear of the LORD evil is avoided.

⁷ When the LORD takes pleasure in anyone’s way,
he causes their enemies to make peace with them.

⁸ Better a little with righteousness
than much gain with injustice.

⁹ In their hearts humans plan their course,
but the LORD establishes their steps.

¹⁰ The lips of a king speak as an oracle,
and his mouth does not betray justice.

¹¹ Honest scales and balances belong to the LORD;
all the weights in the bag are of his making.

¹² Kings detest wrongdoing,
for a throne is established through righteousness.

¹³ Kings take pleasure in honest lips;
they value the one who speaks what is right.

¹⁴ A king’s wrath is a messenger of death,
but the wise will appease it.

¹⁵ When a king’s face brightens, it means life;
his favor is like a rain cloud in spring.

¹⁶ How much better to get wisdom than gold,
to get insight rather than silver!

¹⁷ The highway of the upright avoids evil;
he who guards his way guards his life.

¹⁸ Pride goes before destruction,
a haughty spirit before a fall.

¹⁹ Better to be lowly in spirit along with the oppressed
than to share plunder with the proud.

²⁰ Whoever gives heed to instruction prospers,
and blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD.

²¹ The wise in heart are called discerning,
and gracious words promote instruction.

²² Prudence is a fountain of life to the prudent,
but folly brings punishment to fools.

²³ The hearts of the wise make their mouths prudent,
and their lips promote instruction.

²⁴ Gracious words are a honeycomb,
sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.

²⁵ There is a way that appears to be right,
but in the end it leads to death.

²⁶ The appetite of laborers works for them;
their hunger drives them on.

²⁷ A scoundrel plots evil,
and on their lips it is like a scorching fire.

²⁸ A perverse person stirs up conflict,
and a gossip separates close friends.

²⁹ A violent person entices their neighbor
and leads them down a path that is not good.

³⁰ Whoever winks with their eye is plotting perversity;
whoever purses their lips is bent on evil.

³¹ Gray hair is a crown of splendor;
it is attained in the way of righteousness.

³² Better a patient person than a warrior,
one with self-control than one who takes a city.

³³ The lot is cast into the lap,
but its every decision is from the LORD.

Proverbs 12:15

¹⁵ The way of fools seems right to them,
but the wise listen to advice.

Mark 11

¹ As they approached Jerusalem and came to Bethphage and Bethany at the Mount of Olives, Jesus sent two of his disciples, ² saying to them, “Go to the village ahead of you, and just as you enter it, you will find a colt tied there, which no one has ever ridden. Untie it and bring it here. ³ If anyone asks you, ‘Why are you doing this?’ say, ‘The Lord needs it and will send it back here shortly.’”

⁴ They went and found a colt outside in the street, tied at a doorway. As they untied it, ⁵some people standing there asked, “What are you doing, untying that colt?” ⁶ They answered as Jesus had told them to, and the people let them go. ⁷ When they brought the colt to Jesus and threw their cloaks over it, he sat on it. ⁸ Many people spread their cloaks on the road, while others spread branches they had cut in the fields. ⁹ Those who went ahead and those who followed shouted,

“Hosanna!”

“Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord!”

¹⁰ “Blessed is the coming kingdom of our father David!”

“Hosanna in the highest heaven!”

¹¹ Jesus entered Jerusalem and went into the temple courts. He looked around at everything, but since it was already late, he went out to Bethany with the Twelve.

Luke 19:28-44

²⁸ After Jesus had said this, he went on ahead, going up to Jerusalem. ²⁹ As he approached Bethphage and Bethany at the hill called the Mount of Olives, he sent two of his disciples, saying to them, ³⁰ “Go to the village ahead of you, and as you enter it, you will find a colt tied there, which no one has ever ridden. Untie it and bring it here. ³¹ If anyone asks you, ‘Why are you untying it?’ say, ‘The Lord needs it.’”

³² Those who were sent ahead went and found it just as he had told them. ³³ As they were untying the colt, its owners asked them, “Why are you untying the colt?”

³⁴ They replied, “The Lord needs it.”

³⁵ They brought it to Jesus, threw their cloaks on the colt and put Jesus on it. ³⁶ As he went along, people spread their cloaks on the road.

³⁷ When he came near the place where the road goes down the Mount of Olives, the whole crowd of disciples began joyfully to praise God in loud voices for all the miracles they had seen:

³⁸ “Blessed is the king who comes in the name of the Lord!”

“Peace in heaven and glory in the highest!”

³⁹ Some of the Pharisees in the crowd said to Jesus, “Teacher, rebuke your disciples!”

⁴⁰ “I tell you,” he replied, “if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out.”

⁴¹ As he approached Jerusalem and saw the city, he wept over it ⁴² and said, “If you, even you, had only known on this day what would bring you peace—but now it is hidden from your eyes. ⁴³ The days will come upon you when your enemies will build an embankment against you and encircle you and hem you in on every side. ⁴⁴ They will dash you to the ground, you and the children within your walls. They will not leave one stone on another, because you did not recognize the time of God’s coming to you.”

Joshua 24:27

²⁷ “See!” he said to all the people. “This stone will be a witness against us. It has heard all the words the LORD has said to us. It will be a witness against you if you are untrue to your God.”

1 Samuel 17:32-50

³² David said to Saul, “Let no one lose heart on account of this Philistine; your servant will go and fight him.”

³³ Saul replied, “You are not able to go out against this Philistine and fight him; you are only a young man, and he has been a warrior from his youth.”

³⁴ But David said to Saul, “Your servant has been keeping his father’s sheep. When a lion or a bear came and carried off a sheep from the flock, ³⁵ I went after it, struck it and rescued the sheep from its mouth. When it turned on me, I seized it by its hair, struck it and killed it. ³⁶ Your servant has killed both the lion and the bear; this uncircumcised Philistine will be like one of them, because he has defied the armies of the living God. ³⁷ The LORD who rescued me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will rescue me from the hand of this Philistine.”

Saul said to David, “Go, and the LORD be with you.”

³⁸ Then Saul dressed David in his own tunic. He put a coat of armor on him and a bronze helmet on his head. ³⁹ David fastened on his sword over the tunic and tried walking around, because he was not used to them.

“I cannot go in these,” he said to Saul, “because I am not used to them.” So he took them off. ⁴⁰ Then he took his staff in his hand, chose five smooth stones from the stream, put them in the pouch of his shepherd’s bag and, with his sling in his hand, approached the Philistine.

⁴¹ Meanwhile, the Philistine, with his shield bearer in front of him, kept coming closer to David. ⁴² He looked David over and saw that he was little more than a boy, glowing with health and handsome, and he despised him. ⁴³ He said to David, “Am I a dog, that you come at me with sticks?” And the Philistine cursed David by his gods. ⁴⁴ “Come here,” he said, “and I’ll give your flesh to the birds and the wild animals!”

⁴⁵ David said to the Philistine, “You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the LORD Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied. ⁴⁶ This day the LORD will deliver you into my hands, and I’ll strike you down and cut off your head. This very day I will give the carcasses of the Philistine army to the birds and the wild animals, and the whole world will know that there is a God in Israel. ⁴⁷ All those gathered here will know that it is not by sword or spear that the LORD saves; for the battle is the LORD’s, and he will give all of you into our hands.”

⁴⁸ As the Philistine moved closer to attack him, David ran quickly toward the battle line to meet him. ⁴⁹ Reaching into his bag and taking out a stone, he slung it and struck the Philistine on the forehead. The stone sank into his forehead, and he fell facedown on the ground.

⁵⁰ So David triumphed over the Philistine with a sling and a stone; without a sword in his hand he struck down the Philistine and killed him.

Related Links:

My Jesus Story Box

Stones

**If you start a Jesus Story Box, please let me know! I would love to hear your stories!**

Learning Basic Manners

Finally. Finally, I no longer have to hover around Selah when she is receiving gifts to correct her responses or apologize for her saying something rude like" uh, thanks, but why did you get me this?" or "thanks, but I already have one of those, and I would really prefer..." or just sit in un-smiling silence. Ugh. Embarrassing. Frustrating. Confusing.

So often the things she would express the least amount of gratefulness for, or even interest in, would be her favorite toy/activity/creativity spurring item that would receive hours and hours of use/play time.

How many hours of pre-party or special-occasion-day have I role-played with her how to respond gratefully for gifts given? Explaining to her ever-questioning mind why even if you receive a gift that isn't your favorite, you should still express gratitude for the love and thoughtfulness that was behind the giving. Explaining that even if you receive the same gift more than once (like construction paper or paints) that it is still a kind and thoughtful gift and deserving of gratefulness.

I tried explaining that enjoying a gift and expressing thankfulness when it was received is not the same thing.

"Thank you" is one of the first responses I taught her from baby-hood was right, expected, polite, kind, Christ-like. And it wouldn't just be when she received a gift wrapped in a package, anytime I handed her a snack, read her a book, or got something off a too-high counter I would encourage thankfulness for every act of kindness. Reminding her to say "thank you" is still a regular discipline, and the only thing that I can think of that remains from her baby-training days.

And while her verbal responses and facial expression are now (mostly) appropriate, gratefulness still does not come to her as naturally as I would like.

I have wondered why has this been so difficult to train her in?

I am beginning to understand.

I've been reading Ann's book, and counting thanks with the gratitude community from a Holy Experience for several months now, and I am beginning to understand.

As I've been practicing the hard discipline of saying "thank you" for all those everyday gifts from God--the less obvious ones that don't come in packages with bows-- I have become painfully aware of how often I have had the attitude of "thanks for today, but why did you give me this to deal with?...". And for repeat gifts I, like the Israelites in the desert eating manna for many years, become ungrateful because I have all kinds of expectations of what "satisfying" and "good" should look like.

Even worse, when it's a gift that isn't really my favorite, something I would really rather not add to my collection of things to pray about and deal with, I have the attitude that it is not a gift at all.

I am learning. Slowly.

His ways are not my ways, and His thoughts are not my thoughts, and some of the hardest gifts He's ever given are--- now--- far and away my favorites.

Like Selah. The one I'm teaching who is educating me. She is actually much better at her basic manners than I am. When we record things on our gratitude lists... her awareness of all there is to be thankful for makes these blinded eyes blur repentance.

"oxygen... the dirt of the earth... the sunshine and vitamin B--uh, I mean vitamin D... that Jesus died on the cross for our sins..."

I don't pretend to understand the way God thinks and why He chooses to do/allow/orchestrate certain things. But I know the One who is giving the gifts, and I trust Him because I know Him. I know there is love and thoughtfulness behind each gift, especially the hard ones.

Practicing this messy, wonderful journey of learning basic manners with the Holy Experience Community...

#319 Baby's joy in being able to feed herself

#320 soccer in the park, bright red ball and rosy cheeks

#321 Baby picking up the ball and running with it, her Daddy chasing, catching up both

#322 picnic smiles

#323 crunchy chips, veggies, crackers

#324 sippy cup clutched in chubby, grubby hands

#325 boys playing baseball

#326 being two feet away from a bison, wondrous size and strength and beauty too

#327 blooming archways, bark, new green blanketing old gray, "nature treasures"

#328 waving prairie grasses, sharp contrast of green and gold

#329 Little Girl grin-whispering "I'm just like Laura on the prairie!..."

#330 Baby smelling flowers, leaves, rocks...

#331 shade!

#332 tired Husband carrying the huge, sweaty five year old down the long, limestone trails

#333 her joy being lifted, held, carried

#334 peaceful house full of napping... Husband, kiddos, even the cat

#335 tall glass of cool water

#336 pens that work

#337 new creative ideas

#338 washing hot feet in cold water

#339 big, soft, comfy t-shirts

#340 canopy shaded pathways

#341 drain stopper, cheese grater, ladle

#342 Baby so helpfully setting the cat food out of the bowl, one tiny piece at a time

#343 mixing dirt, planting seeds

#344 Husband-built garden beds, compost bins

#345 breeze fresh off the water

#346 swinging with my children

#347 Daddy imagination, girl giggles

#348 a pair of shoes that fit the Baby... and she broke them in too!

When Being Poor is a Good Thing

I wake to swollen eyelids and the expected crying-hangover.

When did the sobbing give way to slumber?

I shuffle past the mirror, try not to look, and fall asleep a few minutes into my quiet time, pen in still-clutched hand.

"Mom! The baby's awake!" shakes me from the deep I'd like to curl into, stay for a few days.

The day comes and goes in a flurry of beautiful, memorable moments(and a few truly ugly ones).

Then it hits me again tonight, as soon as the space opens wide and quiet and dark. The sadness.

I guess it didn't all pour out last night, my eyes squeezed so tight, drops racing for the corners to escape all my crushing insides onto the safe of Husbands strong embracing arm.

I try to think back to the last time I cried more than a few tears... Grandmom's funeral?... to the last time I bone-shaking sobbed... upon hearing the results of Selah's paternity test?

What is now digging so deep, carving out this howling hollow?

My smallness. My empty hands.

Across the world waves wash away families, homes and all that used to be stable. And not so far away I watch loved ones sputter and flail and drown, the needs deeper than the prayer-words can whisper-name. And I choke on salt-water too, for all the ugly that washes out of me, and where oh where did that come from? I gasp and heave and just. can't. stop.

I feel... poor, needy. And ashamed because I know I have no true concept of the what that would really look like, in a material sense, anyway. I am used to being in an excellent financial position, and I'm not. I'm used to being in great health, and I'm not. I'm used to having the right words to say, and I don't.

I am in a season of regularly coming to the end of myself... my strength... my abilities... my resources. It has taken a lot for me to recognize this.

Instead of being an aid-giver I have recently been on the receiving end of gracious gifts and it wounded pride I didn't know was there. And pride wants to keep me from admitting I am prideful.

I am being humbled.

And I thought I had a willing knee.

I am barely, maybe, slightly seeing through tear-stinging eyes some of what it is to be poor in spirit.

Empty hands can be filled the most full.

"This poor man called, and the LORD heard him;

he saved him out of all his troubles."

~Psalm 34:6

Sharing some of what He is pouring into my humbled, gratefully cupped palms...

#286 Bright yellow, so delicate, fluttering by

#287 Husband who cares about being respected

#288 Husband who leads, humbles, by apologizing quickly, desires unity

#289 Learning to see and feel a new way through counting thanks

#290 Rain scent dripping for hours

#291 Girl playing as a duck in the rain, wild flapping the wings of her hooded duck towel

#292 Squishy rain boots

#293 Little-Girl joy-squealing "come fly with me!"

#294 a few moments of flying, the energy droplets and smiling brings(and some arm flapping)

#295 Selah calling out things for me to add to her gratitude list every few seconds and twirl-dance-shouting "I'm just getting carried away by the rain!... I'm getting carried away!..."

#296 The opportunity, and motivation, to learn more about my health

#297 Natural remedies that work

#298 veggie slices dipped in guacamole, helping me enjoy my super-restricted diet

#299 a free gift from Dad and Mom

#300 feeling better

#301 I am Second

#302 all the indescribably cute sideways motion Baby does when she runs or dances

#303 innocence

#304 2nd, and 3rd, and 70x7 chances, more

#305 patient, understanding, loving, joke-making-to-ease-the-not-so-pleasant, in sickness and in health, Husband

#306 friend who shows Mom, Selah and I around her farm, answers questions, gives time, supplies, encouragement

#307 Gideon, the great pyrenees watchdog for the chickens and goats

#308 a bluish-green egg gift for Little Girl

#309 that the egg didn't get crushed in her clutching palm on the car ride home

#310 Husband excited about creating, wanting to patent ideas, having the courage to have big goals and work towards them

#311 a new insight on manna, the Israelites, and my spoiled, variety-loving self

#312 recognizing sin and turning from it

#313 Sisters confessing, relating in the dark, reaching for the Light

#314 trying new recipes

#315 breaking food addictions

#316 a washed car

#317 last of the daylight melting away in rainbow sunset

#318 that when I am lonely, it is a good reminder that He misses me, and that I am missing Him

What You Really Should Take Personally

So, as my conversations with God develop, build on each other, I feel like He is getting more... pointed.

Sharper than a double-edged sword.

He's been showing me how much of the Bible I have been reading as if it was written for others. I had no idea I was doing that.

The parts about divorce... adultry... demon possession... etc. etc. ... I read those portions of scriptures with other people in mind. Because I am not directly dealing with any of those issues currently, it made sense to me to think of others who are faced with such things and pray for them according to scripture.

Yes. And no.

In practicing this direct conversation journaling, I have found myself not wanting to write down and respond to some of the scripture as if it was written for me. To me.

To me.

I am slowly coming to realize, and accept, that the scriptures are a God-breathed love letter to me, for teaching me, rebuking me, correcting me and training me in righteousness.

He is teaching me to listen to the points behind these stories told, even and especially what I don't feel directly applies to my life, and helping me to not be so literal. He has great patience with me. I identify so much with his disciples who after He explains something to them(and they totally miss the point) He says:

Aware of their discussion, Jesus asked them: “Why are you talking about having no bread? Do you still not see or understand? Are your hearts hardened? Do you have eyes but fail to see, and ears but fail to hear? And don’t you remember?

~Mark 8:17-18

Taking scripture personally has severely wounded my pride. I pray it is a fatal blow.

The wounds of a Friend can be trusted. Especially by a Friend who knows woundedness beyond what I could ever comprehend... wounds He bore for my healing.

Another Conversation with God:

(from my journal on February 24th, 2011)

*Scriptures read follow, sections of conversation are highlighted*

Lord, I hear You saying...

Sin is more devestating than you can possibly imagine. If you cause a little one to sin, it would be better for you to be dragged down by your neck and drowned in the sea. I know you view that as a horrible death, but believe Me when I say that the sin you tolerate as "not a big deal" is worse. If any part of your physical body is causing you to sin-you need to cut that sin out of your life. Gouge it out. Chop it off. Drastic measures are necessary.

Everyone will be salted with fire.

You, will be salted with fire.

I am a consuming fire because I love you and I want you for my own. I withhold no good thing from you.

I am a refining fire, bringing to the surface all that is in your heart that makes you impure. You will see Me when you are pure in your heart. You become pure by living according to My word. Consider it pure joy when you face trials of many kinds, because the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. I withhold no good thing from you.

Salt is good. It preserves what would otherwise perish. You are preserved through fire. The consuming fire that comes from my mouth-my words. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. I will be with you.

Not all tests will be trials. I also test your heart by the praise you receive.

Lord, hear me saying...

Please help me to not falter in times of trouble, I pray to persevere and become mature. I know I am in strict training. What sin(s) do I need to take drastic measures with?

Lord, I hear You saying...

Gluttony. Self-control. Do not crave the delicacies that are eaten by rulers in this world, that food is deceptive. You will become poor and drowsiness will clothe you in rags.

Lord, hear me saying...

Please help me to obey You. I struggle with eating more than what I need... and with eating poorly. I am sure you are right that this contributes to my drowsiness, and I'm sure funds could be used in wiser ways. Please help me to build my house with wisdom, and establish it through understanding. Please help me use the knowledge You've given me to fill it with rare and beautiful treasures, including the food we eat. Help me to not work for food that spoils, but for food that endures to eternal life. Help me to listen to You, and eat what is good, so my soul will delight in the richest of fare.

Salt is good. Thank You for letting me know in very clear language that I can expect, that I will be salted by fire. Preserve me, refine me, consume me however you see fit. I know you will withhold no good thing from me.

Scriptures Read/Brought to Mind:

Mark 9:42-50

“And if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to be thrown into the sea with a large millstone tied around his neck. If your hand causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life maimed than with two hands to go into hell, where the fire never goes out. And if your foot causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life crippled than to have two feet and be thrown into hell. And if your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out. It is better for you to enter the kingdom of God with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into hell, where

“‘their worm does not die,

and the fire is not quenched.’

Everyone will be salted with fire.

“Salt is good, but if it loses its saltiness, how can you make it salty again? Have salt in yourselves, and be at peace with each other.”

Duet. 4:24

For the LORD your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God.

Malachi 3:2

But who can endure the day of his coming? Who can stand when he appears? For he will be like a refiner's fire or a launderer's soap.

Matt. 5:8

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.

Psalm 119:9

How can a young man keep his way pure?

By living according to your word.

James 1:2-4

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Psalm 84:11

For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly.

2 Samuel 22:9

Smoke rose from his nostrils; consuming fire came from his mouth, burning coals blazed out of it.

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.

~Isaiah 43:2

Proverbs 17:3

The crucible for silver and the furnace for gold, but the LORD tests the heart.

Proverbs 27:21

The crucible for silver and the furnace for gold, but man is tested by the praise he receives.

Proverbs 24:10

If you falter in times of trouble, how small is your strength!

Proverbs 23:1-3

When you sit to dine with a ruler,

note well what is before you,

and put a knife to your throat

if you are given to gluttony.

Do not crave his delicacies,

for that food is deceptive.

Proverbs 23:21

for drunkards and gluttons become poor, and drowsiness clothes them in rags.

Proverbs 24:3-4

By wisdom a house is built,

and through understanding it is established;

through knowledge its rooms are filled

with rare and beautiful treasures.

"Do not work for food that spoils, but for food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you. On him God the Father has placed his seal of approval."

~John 6:27

Isaiah 55:2

Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy? Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and your soul will delight in the richest of fare.